Free Incubus Dreams by Laurell K. Hamilton Page A

doesn’t want another woman in his life.”
    â€œI am not the woman in his life.”
    â€œYes, you are, you just don’t want to be.”
    I leaned against one of the narrow tree trunks. “Oh, Jason, what am I going to do?”
    â€œFinish what you started with Nathaniel, be his lover.”
    I shook my head. “I don’t want that.”
    â€œThe hell you don’t. I watch the way you react around him.”
    â€œLust isn’t enough, Jason. I don’t love him.”
    â€œI’d argue that, too.”
    â€œI don’t love him the way I need to.”
    â€œNeed to, for what, Anita? Need to for your conscience? Your sense of morality? Just give him some of what he needs, Anita. Don’t break yourself doing it, but bend a little. That’s all I’m asking.”
    â€œYou said the thing on the dance floor was sort of your fault. You never explained that.”
    â€œI told Nathaniel you don’t like passive men. You like a little dominance, a little pushiness. Not much, but enough so that you aren’t the one that says, Yes, we’ll have sex. You need someone to take a little of the responsibility off your shoulders.”
    I stared at him, studied that young face. “Is that all it is for me, Jason? I just need someone else to help me spread the guilt around so I can fuck?”
    He winced. “That isn’t what I said.”
    â€œClose enough.”
    â€œGet mad, if you want, but that isn’t what I said, or what I meant. Get mad at me, but don’t take it out on Nathaniel, okay?”
    â€œI was raised that if you had sex it was a commitment. I still believe that.”
    â€œYou don’t feel committed to me.” He said it as if it were just a fact, nothing personal.
    â€œNo, we’re friends, and I was sort of a friend in need. But you’re a grown-up, and you understood what it was. I’m not sure Nathaniel is enough of a grown-up to understand that. Hell, he can’t even say no to women who are almost strangers.”
    â€œHe turned down at least three dance offers while we were talking, and I know for a fact that he turned down the beautiful Jessica Arnet for a date.”
    â€œHe did, really?”
    Jason nodded. “Yep.”
    â€œI didn’t think he’d be able to say no.”
    â€œHe’s been practicing.”
    â€œPracticing?”
    â€œHe tells you no sometimes, doesn’t he?”
    I thought about it. “Sometimes he won’t repeat conversations to me, or tell me things. He says I’ll get mad at him, and so I should ask the other person.”
    â€œYou wanted, no, demanded, that Nathaniel be more responsible for himself. You made him get his driver’s license. You’ve forced him to be less dependent, right?”
    â€œYeah.”
    â€œBut you didn’t think what it would mean, did you?”
    â€œWhat do you mean?”
    â€œYou wanted him to be independent, to think for himself, to decide what he wanted out of life, right?”
    â€œYeah, in fact, I said almost exactly that to him. I wanted him to decide what he wanted to do with his life. I mean he’s only twenty for God’s sake.”
    â€œAnd what he’s decided he wants to do is be with you,” Jason said, and his voice was softer, gentle.
    â€œThat is not a life decision. I meant like a career choice, maybe go back to college.”
    â€œHe’s got a job, Anita, and he makes better money as a stripper than most college graduates do.”
    â€œYou can’t strip forever,” I said.
    â€œAnd most marriages don’t last forever either.”
    My eyes must have gotten too wide, because he hurried with his next words, “What I mean is that you treat everything like it’s a forever question. Like you can’t change your mind later. I don’t mean to imply that Nathaniel wants you to make an honest man of him. That never came up,