Free Deep Water by Sinden West

cigarette. I felt like I would die
out soon because of what she’d just said.
    Don’t you want to know if I’m still his
go-to-girl?
    No! I didn’t want to fucking know!
Because if it were true then everything special that had developed would become
null and void. Emptiness would overcome me, and I would spiral with nothing
left but a poor excuse for a family. There would be nothing left but a hole
where my heart was, and I couldn’t have that. I wouldn’t.
    The silence stretched on as I was caught
in her gaze like a deer in headlights. The effort of keeping all emotion from
my face was making me feel faint. I had to say something. I had to do something.
    But I was saved from that by the
appearance of Joseph. He was drunk; his eyes glazed and mouth held in a drunken
smile. I could smell the alcohol coming off of him in waves as he enveloped me
in a hug.
    “Heyyy, Jessica. My sexy, sexy girl.” He
nearly tumbled, making us both lose our balance almost. But I held strong. I
could not show any kind of weakness with Katrin’s bitter eyes glued to me. I
knew what she wanted. She wanted me to cause a scene; to become a bitch; to
storm away in tears perhaps. But I did none of those things.
    Instead, I gave her a sickly, sweet
smile from beyond Joseph’s shoulder. It was the kind of smile that my beauty
queen mother would have been proud of. It was so fake it would make you sick.
    “Hey, baby,” I said, in a voice that was
not mine. The seduction in that voice was more suited to someone used to
scheming, like my Mom, but it served my purpose. It made Joseph meet my eyes
and then land his mouth on mine in a kiss that was still graceful despite his
drunken state. I kissed him back, hard .
    I kissed him back in a way I believed
people called fucking his mouth. My tongue stole in rapidly between his
lips as my hand pressed the back of his head, forcing his face onto mine.
Whatever we were doing felt almost pornographic. It wasn’t right doing this in
public, maybe to others it just looked like we were kissing. But to me, it felt
so raw that we may as well been fucking.
    The swirl in my head was confusion. Want
was mixed with bitterness over the doubt Katrin’s words had caused. But she was
just a bitch, wasn’t she? Just because both my parents were cheaters, didn’t
mean that he was. Did it?
    Mentally, I shook my head to get these
thoughts out of my head. All I needed to think about was Katrin.
    Revenge on Katrin.
    I pulled away from Joseph; he stared at
me with dopey eyes. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was a man in love.
    “Come with me,” I whispered, taking his
hand and leading him away from Katrin’s bitter eyes. I didn’t have to look at
her to know that she was watching us. I led him away‒away from the fire,
away from the people and the noise. I just wanted him alone.
    Into the thick of trees, I led him.
Feeling like some fairytale character leading an innocent into a dark and evil
wood, we walked into the darkness. Weaving between trees and tripping on roots,
we went deeper until finally I pushed him up against a tree. My hand gripped
his chin to make his mouth come down on mine. He kissed me the way I wanted him
to. With an urgency that made me feel like he was desperate for me.
    He wore jeans and I tugged at his belt
until it was free, before undoing his fly. I was blind in everything I did as
my mouth was glued to his, but it felt like my bitterness led me on in my
actions. Suddenly I felt like an expert seductress as my fingers effortlessly
began to pull down his jeans, and then his underwear until his hard cock sprang
free to greet me.
    “ Jessica ,” he said, his voice a
low moan.
    He kissed me harder, his fingers digging
into my back through my clothes almost painfully. The pain was good. It drove
me on. I moved my hands to the bottom of my dress and hiked it up, and then I
gripped my panties and tugged them down with such ferocity that they should
have ripped. I pushed my naked groin