Free Get Smart 7 - Max Smart - The Spy Who Went Out to the Cold by William Johnston

back. “If it makes you happy—you’re fired!”
    “Lucky I’ve got the scientist racket to fall back on,” von BOOM said.
    Fighting the wind and sand, the three grappled their way along the deck, looking for a hatchway. When they finally found one, they climbed down into the hold, out of the storm.
    Von BOOM was surprised to see Max and 99. “Somebody better go back on deck and get von Sydesheau,” he said.
    Max explained that the director was not on board.
    “Then that firing doesn’t count,” von BOOM groaned. “I’m still a Star.”
    “When we get back to civilization, you can resign by telegram,” Max suggested.
    “Forget it,” von BOOM shrugged. “Let him get the bad news from my agent.”
    They made themselves comfortable in the hold. Outside, the storm raged. And it continued that way for several days. Fortunately, there was food and water on the ship. Max was concerned, however, about where the wind was blowing them.
    “The way it’s blowing,” he said, “it could blow this ship right off the desert and into the ocean. We’d sink like a rock.”
    The following morning when Max awakened it looked as if his worst fear had come true. There was nearly a foot of water in the hold, and it was rising rapidly.
    He shook 99 and von BOOM. “Abandon ship!” he shouted. “We’re sinking like a rock!”
    They rushed up onto the deck. The storm had passed. Most of the ship was resting on a beach, but its prow was protruding into a river.
    “Max! We’re saved!” 99 squealed happily.
    “We may be safe, 99, but we’re still lost.”
    “No, Max—look! There comes help. A houseboat. And it’s coming this way.”
    “Oh . . . yes. Isn’t that a woman at the helm? It’s a little hard to tell.”
    As the houseboat neared the ship, the skipper, a large, beefy woman in a captain’s uniform, waved to them. “Ho, there!” she bellowed. “Cap’n O’Patterer, Queen o’ the Nile, at yur service, mates!”
    “Max! It’s the Nile!” 99 said. “We found it!”
    “Dumb luck,” von BOOM muttered.
    “Not exactly,” Max said testily. “Dumb modus operandi would be more like it.”

5.
    M AX , 99 and von BOOM climbed down to the beach, then waited for Cap’n O’Patterer to dock her houseboat.
    “If we can hitch a ride to Alexandria, all our problems are solved,” Max said. “From Alexandria, we can catch a plane to Russia. That’s where we’ll get the Trans Siberian Railway, which will take us to the Pacific, where we’ll take a submarine to Alaska. And, from Alaska, on to the Pole. It’s a cinch from here on out.”
    “She may not be going our way, Max,” 99 said.
    “In that case, we’ll rent her houseboat,” Max replied. “Money is the answer to everything, 99.”
    The boat ploughed into the beach and stopped and the big, beefy woman dropped an anchor over the side. “Looks like ya got yurself a peck o’ dum-doo-dee-doo-doo trouble there, Spike,” she said, addressing Max and indicating the ship.
    Max shook his head, “The ship isn’t ours,” he replied. “Our problem is getting to Alexandria. Are you by any chance going that way?”
    “Wouldn’t set foot in that town for a million beans and a pack o’ dum-doo-dee-doo-doo salty pork bacon!” Cap’n O’Patterer replied. “Last time I did, I near got runned down by a crosstown bus. That don’t never happen on the river, you can bet yur two-toed boots.”
    “Suppose I offered you a great deal of money?” Max suggested.
    “What’d I do with it? Buy me a million beans and a pack o’ dum-doo-dee-doo-doo salty pork bacon, that’s all. No gain there. Say, that’s a ding-dong beauty of four-master ya got there,” she continued, pointing to the ship again. “First one I ever seen that rolled on wheels. Got any idea of partin’ with it, Oscar?”
    “As I said, it isn’t ours,” Max replied. “Now—”
    “Don’t see nobody else around,” Cap’n O’Patterer said. “If she ain’t yur’n, who’s