seemingly out of nowhere. âMaybe youâre not right for thisâitâs not all about you.â
My head cringed . You know youâve overstayed your welcome when people start fighting in front of you.
âYou look lovely, darling,â said Daphne, trying to avoid staring directly at the hideous creature on my nose.
Debs grabbed her briefcase and went to kiss my aunt goodbye, but she was rejected. She turned to me. âRight, weâve got toâ¦what the fuck happened to you?â
âDeborah!â
âItâs fine,â I said, âsheâs just telling it like it is.â
âSee, she understands me.â Debs stormed out the door.
I kissed my aunt goodbye and slinked into the car, where I lowered my sunglasses and thanked the fashion gods that huge frames were in.
Once we were on the open road, I dared to go there.
âIs everything okay?â
âFine.â
Donât pry, Ruby , urged my head.
âItâs just that,â I paused, âwell, things didnât seem fine.â
âDaphâs driving me up the wall. She keeps going on about babies. Babies, babies, babies.â
I should have listened to my head.
âIf I wanted to be a mum, Iâd be a mum. Clearly, I donât.â
âIs thatâ¦practicable?â
âYou mean getting knocked up?â We purred onto the highway.
I nodded.
âGuess so. I havenât really looked into itâitâs Daphâs agenda, not mineâbut itâd have to be me. And I donât want to have to lug another person around inside me and then on meâI like being unencumbered.â
I let it go for a while but couldnât help myself. âFor what itâs worth, I think youâd be great parents.â
âBullshit. We both work too hard to be able to incorporate another person. Anyway itâs all totally hypothetical.â She dialled in for a conference call. âThereâs no point in discussing it.â While we listened to the hold music, she turned to me and summoned her most diplomatic voice. âYou donât look that terrible.â
âThank you.â
âNo worries,â she smiled, thinking sheâd fixed things. âListen, I have a friend who works miracles. Not that you need a miracle because you donât look terrible. But if you did need a miracle, sheâd be the one to go to.â
âRight, excellent.â I had no idea what she was on about.
âHer name is Olga. When Iâve done an all-nighter and I look like hellânot that you look like hellâbut when I look like hell and need to go to court I see Olga in the morning and she fixes me for the day. Iâll call her for you after this call and you can see her first up. Okay?â
âOkay.â
Four conference calls and a banana later, we were on the outskirts of Melbourne, when Debs rang her.
âOlga, itâs Debs.â
âDa,â said Olga.
âMy niece needs you.â
âDa?â
âShe needsââDebs looked at me intentlyââhair washed and styled.â
âDa, da.â
âBrows waxed. Legs waxed.â
âDa.â
Debs lifted my right arm. âPits waxed.â
âDa.â
âBikini?â she asked me. I shook my head.
âDa,â pre-empted Olga.
Good grief.
âShe needs make-up, a manicure and pedicure. Iâll drop her off at your place in twenty minutes. Okay?â
âDa.â
âSorted.â Debs hung up. âSheâs real nice. Sheâs Russian.â Not Japanese?
We soon pulled up at a rather grotty block of flats. âGo to the first floor,â Debs said, âpress the buzzer and Olga will come and get you.â
âRight.â
âDaph told me to give you this map and keys to the apartment, but itâs a bit confusing, so just call her when you get there and sheâll tell you how to get in. Iâll drop your bags
Warren Simons, Rose Curtis