Free Hunky Dory by Jean Ure

sweetly. “No, but if you don’t co-operate I’ll know you’ve got something to hide!”
    It’s frightening. If she’s like this when she’s ten, what’s she going to be like when she’s my age?

Six
Sunday
    Another of her stupid tests.
    â€œDraw faces!” she said.
    So I drew faces. Six of ‘em, cos that’s what she told me to do. I made them all happy and smiling. I knew if I made them miserable, she’d have a go at me; I thought I’d get good marks for drawing smileys. Instead, she took one look and said, “Why are they all happy ?” She said nobody draws six faces all happy. “It’s not normal!”
    â€œâ€˜Tis for me,” I said.
    â€œThen you’re not normal! Just shows you’ve got something to hide. You thought if you drew six happy faces you could trick me, but you can’t, you see, cos it’s too obvious. Normal people draw a mixture . cos nobody’s happy all the time.”
    â€œThis is such a load of crap,” I said.
    â€œYou keep saying that!” She crowed, triumphantly. “It just proves that I’m right…when someone doesn’t like what they discover about themselves they say it’s crap, and if you use that word again I shall tell Mum!”
    â€œKnow what?” I said. “You’re a real creep!”
    â€œYes, and you’re a total plonk!”
    Whatever that means. I don’t know why I let her get to me like this, I really don’t. She’s gone off now, all self-important, to work on my profile; I’ve come upstairs to brood. I do brood. I get very anxious and depressed and wonder what is wrong with me and why I can’t be the same as other people. Most of the time I’m quite happy just being me, but then the Microdot starts on and I lose all my confidence. She is always so sure of herself! Why can’t I be sure of myself?
    I am feeling quite low. I shall have to make a list.
    List of Dinosaur Objects in my Bedroom
    Two pterodactyls flying up the wall
    A model of a stegosaurus A triceratops poster
    A triceratops poster
    An inflatable tyrannosaurus (95 cm. tall)
    A basket full of dinosaur eggs (not real ones, but they look real)
    A giant pteranodon suspended from the ceiling
    12 mini dinosaurs on a shelf above my bed
    A small woolly mammoth (which of course is not an actual dinosaur, merely a prehistoric mammal, but Wee Scots gave it to me for my fifth birthday and it kind of fits in with the general theme)
    I also have:
    All my dinosaur books (listed previously)
    2 dinosaur DVDs
    + a DVD of Jurassic Park.
    Oh, and also my collection of trilobites which Dad bought for me off e-bay. One of the best presents I have ever had!
    Mum says that entering my room is like going into a cave in the Jurassic period. She says Jurassic as that is the only one she has heard of. Actually it is a mixture of Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous, but I doubt if Mum would pay much attention if I tried telling her this. Even the Herb goes a bit glazed when I start talking about
    things that took place millions of years ago. I suppose it is more than your average person can cope with.
    I am feeling a bit better, now. More in control. Making lists restores order to my life. I cannot live haphazardly, like the Microdot! She simply has no sense of direction. Neither has Mum. It is always me that does the map reading in the car, even if Will is there. He
    is good, but I am even better. I am the champion!
    Tomorrow I intend to have a stern word with Aaron on the subject of giggle-o-s .
Monday
    Had a long talk with Aaron. Told him how he’d made me look like an idiot in front of my whole family.
    â€œThe word happens to be jiggle-o ,” I said. “Not giggle-o .”
    He argued, same as he always does. You can’t tell Aaron anything, he always knows best. Thinks he knows best.
    â€œWho says it’s jiggle-o?”
    â€œMy brother.”
    â€œNot that stupid