Free An Idiot in Love (a laugh out loud comedy) by David Jester

school. The teacher had been babbling tediously and our eyes had met over the room.
                  She had thick shoulder length hair which bounced with a springy vibrancy when she moved. The dark locks framed her cute features: deep dimples, chubby cheeks, big eyes. Her skin was heavily tanned, beyond the powers of the English sunshine, which made the whites of her hazel eyes stand out like bright lights at the end of a dimly lit tunnel.
                  On the fourth week I decided to make my move. I had correctly assumed, albeit very late, that Katie was waiting for me to do just that.
                  I planned to let my friends ask her out for me. I hadn’t told any of them that I liked her, but it was obvious to most of them. Unfortunately for me, the friend I chose was Max, perhaps the only person in the class who hadn’t realised I fancied Katie.
                  In class I wrote Katie a note and nudged Max. I gestured for him to give it to her with a swift nod.
                  He looked across the classroom and then glanced briefly at the note. His immediate reaction was one of surprise and horror, but then he seemed to come to terms with himself. He shrugged, muttered something under his breath and then handed the note to Chris Peterson, the school bully.
                  The next few seconds were a bit of a blur, my heart was pounding too fast for my brain to keep track. I don’t remember what was said or how he reacted, but I do remember the beating that he gave me on the playground afterwards.
                  ‘Why the hell do you think I would want to ask Peterson out?’ I asked Max after the beating.
                  He shrugged. I could see his eyes scanning my forehead from left to right. ‘What’s a Hama?’ he asked innocently.
                  ‘I think it’s an O,’ I shook my head. ‘It doesn’t matter, it’s not important!’ I snapped, instinctively rubbing my forehead where the words had been ingrained in sloppy black ink. ‘The note was for Katie!’
                  ‘Oh,’ realisation dawned. He looked down at the concrete slabs underneath his feet, then back up to my wounded, graffitied face. ‘She’s pretty.’
                  I threw my hands in the air and groaned heavily. ‘You’re fucking hard work Max.’
                  He didn’t seem to know how to reply to that one, so he remained silent.
                  Over the years myself and the other kids in my class had assumed that as we were growing older and maturing, Max was staying the same. We thought he was retaining the same level of innocence, ignorance and general stupidity that he had possessed since an early age. It didn’t become apparent until later that Max was actually getting stupider.
                  I watched Chris work his way around the playground. After beating me and holding me down to draw on my forehead, he had gone to join in a game of football. I glared at him through lowered, bitter eyebrows as he hacked and slashed his way through the field of players.
                  ‘Did you think I fancied him ?’ I asked, gesturing angrily into the distance. Chris had scored a goal and was gesticulating wildly and proudly to a group of spectating girls.
                  Max shrugged. ‘Not my place to judge.’
     
                  Olly had also joined me in the middle school, but when I asked him to put in a few good words with Katie he told her he had seen me undressing in the changing rooms and promised her she would not be disappointed.
                  ‘I don’t care how old she is,’ Olly insisted. ‘Girls love that sorta thing,’ he said defiantly.
                  ‘Clearly she didn’t,’ I said.
                  ‘Maybe she’s a lesbian,’ Olly