Free Harbor (9781101565681) by Patrick (INT) Ernest; Chura Poole

reminds me,” he said, “of last summer—when I did Europe in three weeks with Dad.”
    The main idea in all courses was to do what you had to but no more. One day an English prof called upon me to define the difference between a novel and a book of science.
    â€œAbout the same difference,” I replied, “as between an artist’s painting and a mathematical drawing.”
    â€œBootlick, bootlick,” I heard in murmurs all over the hall. I had answered better than I had to. Hence I had licked the professor’s boots. I did not offend in this way again.
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    But early in my sophomore year, when the novelty had worn away, I began to do some thinking. Was there nothing else here? My mother and I had had talks at home, and she had told me plainly that unless I sent home better reports I could not finish my four years’ course. And after all, she wasn’t a fool, there was something in that idea of hers—that here in this quiet old town, so remote from the harbor and business, a fellow ought to be getting “fine” things, things that would help him all his life.
    â€œBut look what I’ve got!” I told myself. “When I came here what was I? A little damn prig! And look at me now!”
    â€œAll right, look ahead. I’m toughened up, I’ve had some good things knocked into me and a lot of fool things knocked out of me. But that’s just it. Are all the fine things fool things? Don’t I still want to write? Sure I do. Well, what am I going to write about? What do I know of the big things of life? I was always hunting for what was great. I’m never hunting for it now, and unless I get something mighty quick my father will make me go into his business. What am I going to do with my life?”
    At first I honestly tried to “pole,” to find whether, after all, I couldn’t break through the hard dry crust of books and lectures down into what I called “the real stuff.” But the deeper I dug the drier it grew. Vaguely I felt that here was crust and only crust, and that for some reason or other it was meant that this should be so, because in the fresh bubbling springs and the deep blazing fires whose presence I could feel below there was something irritating to profs and disturbing to those who paid them. These profs, I thought confusedly, had about as much to do with life as had that little “hero of God” who had cut such a pitiful figure when he came close to the harbor. And more pitiful still were the “polers,” the chaps who were working for high marks. They thought of marks and little else. They thrived on crust, these fellows, cramming themselves with words and rules, with facts, dates, theorems and figures, in order to become professors themselves and teach the same stuff to other “polers.” There was a story of one of them who stayed in his room and crammed all through the big football game of the season, and at night when told we had won remarked blithely,
    â€œOh, that’s splendid! I think I’ll go out and have a pretzel!”
    God, what a life, I thought to myself! None of that for me! And so I left the “polers.”
    But now in my restless groping around for realities in life that would thrill me, things that I could write about, I began trying to test things out by talking about them with my friends. What did a fellow want most in life—what to do, what to get and to be? What was there really in business beside the making of money? In medicine, law and the other professions, in art, in getting married, in this idea of God and a heaven, or in the idea I vaguely felt now filtering through the nation, that a man owed his life to his country in time of peace as in time of war. The harbor with rough heavy jolts had long ago started me thinking about questions of this kind. Now I tackled them again and tried to talk about them.
    And at once I found I was “queering”