Free Lucca's Lust: The Luminara Series Book 3 by SJ Molloy

son, who I would have spoiled endlessly with love and given him anything else he needed had God given me that chance. And … as for my chances of being a father in the future, he knows it is slim for me.
    Foolishly, I never froze any sperm when they told me to. My luck on the fertility front might run out. I might get sick again, I might need chemotherapy, and then my chances will be slim to zero.
    What am I even thinking? I do not even have a partner … someone to love … someone to cherish. The reality hits me like a tumble of fucking boulders. I might never be a papa … not like them.
    “Lucca, I am sorry, Bro. I did not mean that the way it sounded. I should have thought. I am an insensitive prick. I really did not intend to hurt you,” Savio says, wrapping his arm round my back in a manly but protective hug.
    “Hey, I know you never meant it. It is okay. Look, it is no secret to you both that I might not be able to have kids, but I am good with that … really I am. Life is what it is and if kids are not in the cards for me, then so be it. I have a great life and it is even better that I am blessed and lucky to have nieces and nephews, so if I cannot spoil my own kids, then let me spoil them,” I say, trying to keep my tone steady and sure. The wince of pain etched on Savio’s face is accentuated with a nervous twitch of unease and regret glossing over his eyes.
    “You are a great man, the best. We all love you dearly for your positivity and generosity. Thank you for the gifts. We do appreciate it, but just so you know, you will always have a special place in all the kids’ hearts, even if you never spoil them. They idolise you. Fuck, we idolise you … you are the most hard-working, kind, honest, loving man there is. You are a great role model for our kids. They are blessed to have you, Lucca,” Armando says sincerely, tapping his beer against the neck of mine.
    Fuck … I feel overwhelmed and a little emotional tonight. Rose’s words from earlier, having this talk with my brothers, thinking about the mysterious Lexi and the intense passionate desire she ignited in me tonight fucks with my mind.
    Mamma and Papa raised us all to be sensitive, open and honest, and to wear our heart on our sleeves. We have always been emotionally in tune with each other and very close, so why am I finding it hard to be honest with them? I should be able to tell them what I want and what I feel.
    I ask myself, do I want a family? Yes. Do I want someone to call mine? Yes. Do I want to be able to give love in abundance to a wife and kids? The answer is yes. How can I not, when I see my brothers so happy. They are already complete.
    They have everything I have never had. Family. Both of them say they look up to me, admire me, but they have no idea how much I envy what they have, how much I respect them for being the amazing papas and husbands that they are. I admire them , more than they will ever know, but the words do not come. I have a sorry-ass lump lodged in my throat.
    The simple, forgiving, loving relationship with a wife and kids is something I have convinced myself might never happen for me. It is probably why in the past a quick mindless fuck has helped me forget. Forget the bad choices I have made in life and forget the twisted hand of fate I was dealt with.
    But now I think of nothing else. Today has just reinforced everything I thought at New Year’s. My life is not complete.
    I need her.
    I need Lexi.
    I need love in my life.
    Do I truly want these things?
    Desperately, like my next breath.
    “What kind of tortellini is that? It smells good, like Nonna’s.” I point to the tray, trying to change the subject and shift the elephant sitting on my chest.
    “Yeah, it is crab, pepper, ricotta, and spinach. It is Nonna’s recipe. I am trying it out in the restaurant. Tell me what you think.” Savio stabs a piece with a fork for me to try.
    “Hmmm, good. Real good. I like it. This will do well on a lunch menu. Do me a