Free Concierge Confidential by Michael Fazio Page A

again?”
    â€œJoan.”
    â€œOh, right, I was there two weeks ago. Were you there? Were you the one with blond hair in the front? I think we met. So listen, what about if—”
    That’s why it’s a good idea to case the joint ahead of time. You don’t even have to go there. You can just call a few days before you actually call for the reservation and just chat with somebody because you’re not asking for anything. “Wow, I saw your review! Your restaurant looks amazing. What’s your website? What’s your name?”
    So then, a few days later, it becomes, “Is this Joan? Hey, it’s Michael. There are four of us for Thursday; can we come around nine?”
    â€œNo, I’m sorry, we’re fully committed.”
    But because there’s some sort of relationship established beforehand, you can keep the conversation going. “Oh, no. What’s your schedule that night? What’s the table before that? If we came at seven, do you need the table back by eight thirty? We can get out in an hour and a half.” By acknowledging their system, you’ve established yourself as an insider—and they’ll start to work with you. If you’re a concierge who calls them all the time and sends them good people, then they kind of dig even deeper and look at the names on their reservation list. “Jeff Mullen, we know him. Terry Jacobs, we’ve never seen her name before. Lisa Ronson—no idea.” Those last two could potentially cancel, since they don’t have a history in the database. Often it’s somebody’s secretary that booked a reservation and doesn’t even remember. The restaurant might be willing to double-book those tables—if you’ve established a relationship with them. They put you in as a cancellation for that hour, and tell you to call back that day. It’s not like some secret table that they were holding is available, but it’s just as good.
    Even if you don’t have a reservation, you can pull it off. My own personal strategy for when I don’t have a reservation is sitting at the bar. I go to the hostess and start things out with something kind of funny. When it’s a really, really hot restaurant, I’ll say something like, “Do you guys accept reservations?” She’ll kind of look at me like I’m an idiot, but then they realize that I’m being facetious. Then I’ll say, “Great! Can I book a reservation for fourteen people in, like, five minutes?” It starts the whole thing right. Quickly, I go into, “Look, I know, I’m a loser. I didn’t make a reservation. I’m going to go hang out at the bar. I’d love to come here. It looks so great. I’m just gonna play it by ear. I’m in your hands.” I go and hang out at the bar and talk to the bartender, and have a drink, and sometimes order an appetizer. But I always get a table.
    First of all, they want to accommodate me because I honored their system. But at the same time, I’m making light of how seriously people take the whole process. The hostess has to stand at a podium all night and watch the different postures that people take. She has to witness over and over the mistakes people make.
    THE MISTAKES PEOPLE MAKE
    Don’t be totally clueless when you walk in, because you will immediately get blown off. There are people who read an article in a popular magazine or newspaper about a hot new restaurant. For some reason, they think that they’re the only ones who’ve read the piece and now have some kind of secret information. They’ll push past the doorman at Minetta’s, thinking it’s a little pub, and ask for a table for two because they read about it somewhere. They are clueless, and they’re out. The hostess won’t even look at them.
    Another type is the guy who has no respect for the system. He thinks that he’s going to get the table by just