fear this man and his tight bottom might have possessed me. I made a doctorâs appointment for tomorrow to see about my moley ass. Now Iâm obsessed, and keep trying to catch sight of it in the mirror like a cat chasing its tail.
Wednesday February 9th
I left work early for my doctorâs appointment and after much poking and prodding heâs decided to remove it, so I have to go back on Friday. Finally the obscure red thing on my bottom shall be gone. He doesnât think itâs anything nasty or even interesting â which is good.
Hazel offered to come with me, but Iâd have to sit and stare at her while she screws up her face and goes green at the sight of a scalpel, and quite honestly I can do without that.
Thursday February 10th
Lucy has a new man, a twenty-one-year-old âmusicianâ called Sam who leads a double life as a shelf stacker in her local supermarket. Lucy has the ability to attract and conquer men even while pursuing mundane tasks like shopping. It seems heâd gone out of his way to find her an undamaged tin of pineapple and it was love at first sight. I say love; Lucy falls in and out of love very quickly. Her last boyfriend lasted three months until she decided one morning that he looked like a lizard and it was all off. The guy before that â Robert, I think â was dumped when she found outhe owned a Michael Bolton album. âCan you imagine what other little dirty secrets heâs been hiding from me?â
Lucy loves being in love, or the idea of it anyway. Sheâs always in a relationship or with a shagging partner until someone better comes along. For an independent woman, her need to be attached is quite staggering. Sheâs a bit like Oliver in that respect â neither of them wants to be without someone, but they both wonât commit to anything long-term. I know that Oliver would rather grate his own ball sack than get married. She also insists on dating younger men: âI love being Mrs Robinson. I wouldnât fuck Dustin Hoffman though.â
Work plodded on as usual. Frank still hasnât noticed his picture is upside down because heâs a self-absorbed prick. I pity the woman who ends up with him. Speaking of which, it feels like love is in the air â I could hear Stuart whispering on his mobile to some mystery woman during his fag break earlier. STOP THAT, YOU HANDSOME PHONE-WHISPERER.
Friday February 11th
Ouch. That was nippy. The mole was removed by Dr Jekyll and his lovely nurse, Mary âScissorhandsâ Reilly. They were very rushed and he started to cut before the anaesthetic had kicked in.
âARGH!â
âYou canât feel that, can you?â
âUh-huh. What? Am I not supposed to?â
(Ignores my question) âWeâll use some more local anaesthetic then.â
He reckons itâs scar tissue.
âDo you remember sitting on something sharp? Like some glass?â
âNo.â
âAre you sure?â
I thought of every drunken tumble I could remember.
âNo.â
Apparently it was deeper than he first thought and I got four stitches. So the ugly red mole has been removed, leaving me with an ugly red scar. I donât know which is worse, but my dreams of a blemish-free botty have been dashed forever.
Oliver came round just to see it. I felt like a freak show.
âOh, you poor thing! Does it hurt?â
âYes.â
âWould it hurt if I bent you over the couch?â
âIâm guessing, yes.â
âCan I see it?â
âBugger off, Oliver, itâll be disgusting and weeping and covered in death.â
Even the sight of a bloody bandage and stitches doesnât curb that boyâs sexual enthusiasm.
Saturday February 12th
Went over to Oliverâs flat this evening, and even though Iâve been to his place many times it never fails to impress me, which, given that I live in a hovel, isnât surprising. Itâs verybig,
Lotte Hammer, Søren Hammer
Danielle-Claude Ngontang Mba