Free A Dad of His Own by Gail Gaymer Martin Page B

tomorrow.”
    “Is he sleeping?”
    She nodded. “I kissed him goodbye. I’m okay to go. This is a natural setback with the new medication. Cooper will be fine tomorrow.” Her eyes searched his with the look of confidence. “Really.”
    Ethan forced his legs to move. She might be okay to go, but he remembered the times he made it home only to be called back to the hospital again. He opened his mouth to voice his concern, but Lexie looked content so he remained silent.
    When he pulled out onto the highway, he left Lexie in her solitude. His tongue had adhered to the roof of his mouth with words he couldn’t speak and emotions he couldn’t swallow. Lexie stared out the passenger window, and her silence felt deafening.
    Instead of forcing conversation, Ethan sank into his own thoughts until she spoke his name. He glanced at her. “Are you okay?”
    “Thoughtful.” Her gaze drifted back to the window for a moment until she shifted and gazed at his profile. “Have you healed from your wife’s death?”
    The question knocked the wind out of him. He swallowed and asked himself where the question had come from. “As much as anyone can heal from a horrendous ordeal like that. She was part of my life for eight years. We were married seven of those, and it was wonderful.”
    “You still love her.”
    Though confused, his heart warmed. “For sure.” He glanced her way, struck by the thoughtful look on her face. “How could I not love a person who brought me so much happiness?” He slowed for a light and stopped. “But she’s gone, Lexie, and as much as she remains in memories, Laine is not here. It took me a few years to—”
    “Four, you said.”
    She’d remembered. “Yes, four. Four long years to realize that she was gone but I wasn’t. Laine would want me to be happy again. She would want me to have children. I have no doubt about that.”
    “Then…” She lowered her gaze. “Why are you still single?”
    His heart plummeted to his stomach. “I haven’t found—” Hadn’t. He hadn’t found the woman until maybe now. “I’m waiting for God’s leading.”
    She tilted her head. “His leading? What does that mean?”
    He searched for an analogy she would understand. “You know when you’re trying to find the perfect outfit to wear to a party. Or you have so many choices and nothing seems the right one until you look in a new direction, and your gaze zooms in to one you hadn’t noticed. Right then, you know that’s the perfect choice—the perfect dress to wear. You put it on and feel wonderful in it.” He chuckled, realizing how feeble his explanation seemed. “I don’t hear a voice, but I feel it. Right here.” He pressed his hand against his chest.
    “And that’s God’s leading?” Her eyes narrowed, and she released a lengthy breath. “I’m not sure I’ve felt that.”
    “I’d guess you have a few times in your life.” The light turned green, and he returned his foot to the accelerator, giving himself time to think. “How about when you got married? Or when you had Cooper?”
    Her eyes widened. “Cooper.” Tension eased on her face.“Yes.” Her head inched up and down in three short nods. “Yes. When I had Cooper, I knew it was right and beautiful.”
    “That’s when I would know it was God’s leading.”
    The troubled look returned. “I don’t know if that…”
    The expression twisted his heart. The look of anguish and doubt. He tried to make sense out of it. “Is it the idea of God? Or is it believing?”
    She didn’t respond.
    Ethan watched moisture rim her eyes, and he wanted so badly to help, to do something to make the hurt go away. He wanted to ask about her husband. Was that the hurt she felt? Had he left her? Died? But the questions sank back into his mind. This moment was for listening and waiting.
    “Sometimes I feel as if I’m missing something. I don’t know if it’s God or a life without sorrow.” She shook her head. “I really don’t know.”
    His