Free Nerd Haiku by Robb Pearlman Page A

are good
    for more than just watching porn.
    Do you hear me, Dad?

    Eyes squint in daylight.
    Mom still does my laundry. I
    live in her basement.

    Mom wants me outside,
    but then how will I know when
    people read my blog?

In brightest day, in
blackest night, no ev—… MOM!— WHAT?
I’m doing something!

    Thought I’d be rich now,
    but my plan was thwarted when
    Mom sold my comics.

    Sad when Granny passed,
    but was beside myself when
    Mrs. Summers died.

    Asgard, Gotham, Hoth,
    Middle Earth, Winterfell, Oz,
    there’s no place like home.

    My summer job sucks.
    Days spent skimming hair away.
    Pool boy on Kashyyyk.

    Nothing you can say
    will stop me from wearing a
    T-shirt on the beach.

    I can’t help you move.
    No, my car’s totally fine.
    Star Trek marathon.

    I never knew the
    joy of musicals before
    Dr. Horrible.

    I was all alone,
    then your music spoke to me,
    â€œWeird” Al Yankovic.

    Spidey on Broadway?
    Suspension of disbelief
    has its limits, dude.

    The birdhouse in my
    soul is filled up with tweets from
    They Might Be Giants.

    Small apartment, but
    I can really spread out here
    on the holodeck.

    The Baxter Building
    allows flames but not smoking.
    Co-op boards are weird.

    Special packaging
    on this Blu-ray set’s cool but
    won’t fit on my shelf.

    Ikea shelves are
    hard to assemble with a
    sonic screwdriver.

I yell in my sleep,
“Thunder-Thunder-Thundercats!”
My roommate hates me.

Don’t blame me for not
knowing what you mean. You do
not have thought bubbles.

You misread the die.
He clearly rolled a twenty.
Bad Dungeon Master!

    I think it’s funny,
    you laugh for the wrong reason.
    Ironic T-shirt.

    You still use Hotmail,
    and you ate my Hot Pocket.
    You’re a bad roommate.

    Yeah? Well, you know what?
    I’d still hate your stupid face
    over on Earth-2.

    Romulans? Um, no.
    Ever hear of the Borg, jerk?
    Why do we hang out?

    You misspoke when you
    said Iron Man was a droid.
    Effing idiot.

    Your words can’t hurt me.
    Neither can your sticks and stones.
    Adamantium.

What are you doing,
Dave? Dave? What are you doing?
What are you doing?

    Hanging with my friends,
    but thanks to the Internet
    I’m still all alone!

    There is nothing like
    watching movies with friends on
    MST3K.

    Superman made me
    believe a man can fly and
    dams can fall apart.

    Will give it a shot,
    but if the film sucks I will
    so blog about it.

    Camped out at theater
    overnight. Twenty bucks for
    IMAX. Please don’t suck.

    Waited in line for
    two days for these seats, lady.
    Shut that baby up!

    RealD glasses don’t
    fit over my prescription.
    I’m stuck with 2D.

    Not how it happened,
    origin story altered.
    Adaptations. Ugh.

    The trilogy just
    ended. Now there’s a new one?
    Reboot this, asshole.

    Chronologically
    X-Men: First Class doesn’t work
    as a true prequel.

    Though kind of clunky,
    mechanical web shooters
    really do make sense.

    The blond or redhead?
    For a nerd, Peter Parker
    has some tough choices.

    The red pill or blue?
    The real choice should have been to
    stop after one film.

Not stalking you, but
the sequels were really bad,
and you should know it.

    Milla Jovovich
    makes anything watchable.
    Resident Evil.

    No cash to spare, but
    I’ll buy whatever is up
    for Kate Beckinsale.

    There’s something so right
    about a movie as wrong
    as Starship Troopers.

The day after a
Chris Nolan premiere should be
a nerd holiday.

    Dead before its time.
    Oh, Paramount, why did you
    Deep Space Nine my heart?

    Basic cable’s fine.
    All I need are G4 and
    The Big Bang Theory.

    BBCA is
    to Syfy as chips are to
    fries. Hail, Britannia!

    Thought I’d seen it all,
    but Blu-ray proved me wrong. The
    saga is complete.

    Wrote a brilliant book.
    No one sees the subtlety.
    Klingon’s hard to get.

    Rage and confusion.
    The world is turned upside down.
    Hugo Award snub.

    The birds are singing
    on this great