Free Nerd Haiku by Robb Pearlman Page B

Alderaan day!
    Hey, what’s that in the—

    Only member of
    the Alderaan Optimists
    Society. Sigh.

    Like a Romulan
    cloaking device covering
    my soul, I am shy.

    Pocket protector,
    you keep my chest safe and warm,
    yet my heart grows cold.

    I sit on sidelines,
    but unlike the quarterback
    I rock at Madden.

    I’m not myopic,
    and I play football . . . somewhere
    in the Multiverse.

    You prefer games of
    strength and agility. I
    prefer Game of Thrones.

    I’m well prepared for
    a zombie apocalypse.
    Are you, pretty boy?

    Tell Ryan Seacrest
    January 1st now starts
    The New 52.

    1, 2, tap-tap-tap.
    I’m obsessive compulsive.
    1, 2, tap-tap-tap.

    5 7 5 hard.
    Structure too strict for art form.
    Hulk no like haiku.

    Teach the children well:
    4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3 is
    the way to watch them.

    Star Trek movie rule:
    The reboot notwithstanding,
    evens are better.

    Your fingers are too
    fat for small touch screens. Meek shall
    inherit the earth.

    Feel bad for Pluto.
    His master’s a mouse, and now
    he’s not a planet.

    2001 was
    more Kubrick’s The Shining than
    a space odyssey.

    Speech Therapist! To
    Dagobah must you come. Bad
    syntax do I have.

    Red Dead Redemption
    and two piece and a biscuit.
    Big Saturday night.

“Captain’s Log, stardate . . . ”
totally sounds better than
“Dear Diary,” right?

    Must keep my nerd cred.
    I’ve never played D&D.
    Don’t say anything.

Blue, round, and fast, you’re
a credit to your species,
Sonic the Hedgehog.

    Allergic to hay,
    but Farmville lets me claim that
    I am outdoorsy.

    My fear of Mott’s stems,
    over the rainbow, from those
    apple trees in Oz.

    It’s lonely, but it’s
    better to be feared than loved.
    My World of Warcraft.

    Game Stop offered me
    a job because I know more
    than the current staff.

Workspace was perfect
until you messed it all up,
you damn dirty ape.

    Desktop ruled by a
    fully articulated
    Cobra Commander.

    Professional with
    an obscure quote at the end.
    My email footer.

    Matthew Broderick,
    global thermonuclear
    war. Career path set.

    00110101
    00110111
    (Binary Haiku)

    You need IT help?
    OK, one question for you:
    Did you turn it on?

    No login needed,
    so what I really mean is
    You. Shall. Not. Password!

    Skynet stock will climb
    before plummeting along
    with humanity.

    Toasters were harmless.
    Battlestar Galactica
    changed all that for me.

It’s the new iPhone,
not the Droid, I’m looking for
in this year’s stocking.

    Learned how to drive a
    stick and customize just to
    steer Optimus Prime.

    Starship Enterprise,
    the Millennium Falcon .
    I have . . . a Honda.

DMV won’t put
NCC-1701
on my license plates.

    A hybrid car, hmm?
    Does it come loaded with a
    flux capacitor?

    The Go-Bots are the
    Hydrox to the Transformers’
    Oreo cookies.

    Harley Davidson
    could get nerds on a hog with
    a Tron Light Cycle.

Barbara Gordon and
Professor Xavier
get great parking spots.

    Sure, he can fix a
    flat, but can he speak Elvish?
    I didn’t think so.

    Hippocratic Oath,
    yet Kaylee’s feelings were hurt.
    Doctor Simon Tam.

Dammit, Jim! I’m a
doctor. My prime directive?
Paying off med school.

    Who needs a degree?
    All you need are snacks and a
    Mystery Machine.

    Your plan went awry.
    You forgot to account for
    us meddling kids. Zoinks!

    Saturday mornings
    I wake up early to play
    with my Super Friends.

    I can watch Tweety
    again and again. But the
    Raven? Nevermore.

    Spidey, Lucius, and
    The Electric Company
    taught me how to spell.

    Searching for a word
    that will bring you to your knees.
    Scrabble tournament.

    Forgot vacuum has
    two u s. Space and spelling bee
    judges abhor me.

    In retrospect, six
    was just a little young to
    see The Exorcist.

    The kids may not care,
    but you and I both know that
    Han shot Greedo first.

    Hours in line, but
    heatstroke will not keep me from
    Star Tours at Disney.

    You want to sound like
    a droid or alien?