Free Harry Putter and the Chamber of Cheesecakes by Timothy R. O'Donnell

and everything.  Ron argued from the pit of his belly, entirely based on his feelings.  Hermione’s arguments were irrefutably based on logic.  Ginny stuck a barb into Ron whenever the opportunity presented itself.  Suzanne usually just laughed or inserted her own silly comments, which were mostly ignored. 
                Ron tried talking about subjective topics, to avoid losing, for everyone is entitled to their opinion.  However, Hermione was able to show him that even his opinions were usually wrong. 
                They argued about their duties as Perfects.  The Perfects were the Hogwashes hall monitors.  Their job was to keep the other kids from running in the hall, fighting in the hall, smoking in the halls, kissing in the halls, or starting food fights in the Great Eatery.  That last one was added after the epic food fight in the Great Eatery last year.  Most of the other kids referred to the Perfects as either Mr. Perfect or Ms. Perfect according to gender.  Ron and Hermione were both Perfects, and did their best to set a good example to the other students, by not breaking any of the rules.  Harry, of course, could never be a Perfect; he broke all the rules.  Ron and Hermione could have written him up for hundreds of incidents, but never did. 
                They argued about Free-Elves.  Hermione had long held the opinion that Free-Elves sapped a small amount of power from their masters, and provided very little in return, especially if one was to take excellent care of their own magical equipment, which she always did.  Elves were her pet peeve, especially since she was always being bothered by elves who wanted to serve her.  (She had excellent magical powers.)  Some elves even pretended to be in danger.  They would try to trick her into “saving” their lives, thereby hoping to force their unwanted service upon her.  She seemed very callous at times when an elf would be, for example, “drowning” in the nearby Jell-O, and she wouldn’t even lift a spoon to save them.  Ron always felt bad for them, and tried to save them, which would make them snap and growl at him, or abberate in order to avoid him all together. 
                She also felt that using Elves was wrong whether they were Free-Elves or not.  She felt that it would be better to pay elves for their services, if one really desired them.  Three years ago, she formed the OSPREE Club, also known as the Only Stupid People Rely on Elven Exploitation Club.  Even Harry and Ron didn’t join that one, and they didn’t even have Elven servants.  Heck, even the elves wouldn’t join; they snubbed their noses at the idea of their noble service being paid for in coin.  In reality, she would have been far happier if she just accepted a Free-Elf’s service.  If she did, no other Elves would bother her, and she wouldn’t even notice the small difference in her magical powers.
                They especially argued about Harry not coming to school.  Ron couldn’t get past how much he was going to miss Harry.  With Harry, school was always exciting.  Being friends with Harry, who was always in the spotlight, Ron got to share a little bit of the spotlight, too.  He felt special.  He thought aloud, “It’s like you, me, and Harry were a shiny new tricycle, each of us one wheel.”
                Hermione replied, “Well, think of us as a bicycle now!  A bicycle is much smarter than a tricycle!  It’s more grown up.  School is going to be great this year, think of all you will learn, especially without all the distractions that Harry always made.  I’ll bet your grades will go up considerably this year.”
                Ron disagreed, “But it’s not like a bicycle, it’s like a tricycle without one wheel.  We’ll be missing an important part of what made us a great team.  You were like the brains, I was the good-looking one, and Harry was …errr,