Free Vampire Taxonomy by Meredith Woerner

Near Dark
Eva, Lesbian Vampire Killers
Miriam Blaylock, The Hunger
Katrina, Vamp
Rose, Rabid
Perfectly Terrible Gentlemen
    A class act, these vampires know how to entertain with the best of society. They will make sure you’re at your utmost ease before striking for the jugular.
    Known Specimens
    Count von Krolock, The Fearless Vampire Killers
Béla Lugosi’s Count Dracula
All-Around Undead Jerks
    The classic jerk vampire. Too high up to be considered just a lackey but not important enough to have any real power. These sad sacks are always trying to climb the next rung, which actually may give you some wiggle room for deal making. But their inept brains or snippy attitudes usually get in the way.
    Known Specimens
    Amilyn, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (movie)
Eddie Fender, The Last Vampire 2: Black Blood

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    TRAGIC VAMPIRES
    HEMOPHAGETRAGICUS
     
     
     
     
     
Poor Nicholas . . . tortured by a soul he hasn’t got.
     
—Janette, Forever Knight

    The existence of the tortured-soul vampire among the undead folk is a well-documented phenomenon. Humans adore the tale of the creature who has it all but is haunted by his unholy existence. Lucky for us, droves of vampires are afflicted by such a strong self-loathing psychosis and loneliness that they make up a whole classification of their own, so the tortured soul stories should never stop generating great literature and films.
    These are the Tragic Vampires—those who walk alone in their own self-made darkness. This class of vampire doesn’t necessarily take delight in death and continually struggles with their addiction to human blood, fighting their natural instinct to kill, and struggling to restrain their hair-trigger bloodlust. Some win, some lose, but their obsession with this internal plight against their natural urges is never far from their thoughts, giving many the exceedingly melodramatic and slightly reticent attitude that marks this class.
    Although these creatures bring forth some of our most sympathetic feelings for vampires, such feelings should in no way, shape, or form encourage you to lower your guard. There is a reason why Tragic Vampires feel and act so miserable: They’ve killed or want to kill at any given moment, and they’re hungry, terribly hungry. The thirst haunts them all the time, though they try to survive on scraps of what their addiction requires to be satisfied. So don’t get caught up in the whole “they’re just not that into killing you” dogma. They do, they will, and you’ll be the one stuck paying off the emergency room bills if you don’t keep your wits about you.
    It’s important to study this somber vampire who walks the fine line between Villain and Romantic, as too many mortals have fallen under the fang trying to save a vampire who still isn’t comfortable dealing with his own bloodlust.

DRAPED HEAD TO TOE IN BROODING: PHYSICAL IDENTIFIERS
Attire
    When you are seemingly carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, accessorizing an ensemble seems a bit frivolous. This is why most of these figures stick to the rugged and easy-to-repeat look. Think a James-Dean-in-jeans-and-jacket, sexy-but-unassuming kind of look, with a few nice suits buried somewhere in the back of their closet for storage (unless they’re living a metropolitan life that dictates the need to dress up daily, they will resort to a bare-basics look over and over again). 52
    Some attention is spent on personal hygiene; after all, they’re somber immortals, not savages. But overall Hemophage tragicus favors a streamlined, low-maintenance approach. Many Tragic Vampires live their life on the road with nothing more than the clothes on their backs, so lugging around any extra weight is frowned upon.
    Also, when dealing with a serious addiction, you don’t want to be attracting too much attention from humankind. Flashy getups and trinkets will inevitably draw in a flock of human admirers, and there’s nothing more tempting than a group of