Free The Unknown Industrial Prisoner by David Ireland

walked round him.

2
TERMITARY
    UTOPIA, 1852 The head sherangs wrote nasty little notes to the lower bosses every time they saw it, and the little bosses protested as reasonably as they could to the office staff—the shinyarses—but the notice kept appearing, glued on walls and windows with uncut Puroil resin adhesive that couldn’t be dissolved, burnt off or cracked with an axe. The Two Pot Screamer had a great supply printed.
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    RULES FOR PUROIL STAFF. BOTANY BAY 1852.
    1.   Godliness, cleanliness, justice, punctuality, prudence, diligence, continence, fortitude, honesty, faith, temperance, hope, obedience, charity, loyalty and chastity are necessities in a good business.
    2.   On the recommendation of the governor of the colony, this firm has reduced the hours of work and the staff will only have to be present between the hours of six and seven Monday to Saturday. The Sabbath is for the worship of God, but should any work require to be done, work will take precedence.
    3.   Daily prayers will be held each morning. All staff will be present.
    4.   Clothing must be sober and of uniform colour. The clerical staff will not disport themselves in raiments of bright colours. Long socks must be worn—no ankle scars must be visible at any time and undue scratching is forbidden.
    5.   Heavy clothing may not be worn in the office, but neck scarves and headwear may be worn in inclement weather.
    6.   A stove is provided. Coal and wood must be kept in the locker, not in desks, filing cabinets or pockets. Each member of the staff will bring 4lb of coal each day during cold weather.
    7.   No member of the staff may leave the room without permission. The calls of nature are now permitted and the staff may use the garden. This area must be kept in good order with the rake provided.
    8.   No talking is allowed, except after business hours. Movements of the lips will be viewed with suspicion.
    9.   The craving for tobacco and alcohol is a human weakness and as such is forbidden.
    10. Now that the hours have been drastically reduced, the partaking of food is allowed between 11.30 and noon, but work will not on any account cease.
    11. Staff will provide their own pens.
    12. Forty minutes before prayers and after closing, cleaning work will be done. Brushes, scrubbers and soap are now provided by the management.
    13. If in chains, staff are held responsible that their irons are perfect and not ovalled or too large.
    14. If any person shall feel himself -aggrieved by any order, he is to obey instantly, but may complain, if he shall think fit, to the manager.
    15. The manager must never be addressed directly.
    16. A Record Book will be kept of the conduct of all staff.
    17. The management will expect a great rise in output to compensate for the Utopian conditions.
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    MORNING SONG OF THE TERMITARY Take any Monday. The Black Snake was first in the office. A man waiting patiently for attention asked him about the 1852 notice freshly stuck to the glass door. The Black Snake sniffed; there was a nasty smell coming from the man’s overalls.
    â€˜How would I bloody well know?’ spat the Black Snake. He hated Mondays. He hated the other days, too.
    A fat typist came in, but the man waiting patiently for attention could not catch her eye before she parked her bag, opened her desk and departed for the ladies’ rest room.
    The Colonel entered, having parked his old Rolls carefully. He was a clerk now, still with moustache and bar but in ’45 was a colonel. He knew one of the Directors and this kept him employed, but he had no hope of promotion after he called The Whispering Baritone a refugee from a male whore shop in one of his grander moments when he was training officer. His papers were marked ‘never to be employed in any higher capacity’. He drove a Rolls for the satisfaction it gave him to have a bigger car than the Wandering Jew.
    The Colonel