Free Witch Glitch: Magic and Mayhem Book Two by Robyn Peterman

in the room including myself. "If I call you Daaaaad, will you stop almost dying all the fucking time?"
     
    The room went silent as did I. Was I really ready to do this? Was I really ready to not do this?
     
    "Daaaaad?" Baba said with a smirk and a giggle. "Are you sure you didn't mean, Dad?"
     
    "Yes. Yes, I'm sure. I meant, Daaaaad," I said as I stared at the ceiling and prayed there was a Shifter therapist in town.
     
    "I'll take it!" Naked Dude yelled. "I'd also like to recommend no one touch Hildy. That hurt like a son of a bitch and I'm fairly sure my balls have shrunk up into my stomach permanently."
     
    "Really sorry," Hildy apologized as she floated close to the ceiling so no one could touch her. "I mean if I knew such a thing was going to happen it would have been far more enjoyable. However, the speed and skill with which you healed your daaaaad was most impressive, Zelda. I couldn't have done better myself."
     
    "Really?" I asked, humbled by her praise.
     
    "Yes. Really."
     
    "Great!" Baba Yaga said as she slapped my daaaaad on the ass. "Now that we have that matter settled… on to the next."
     
    "Which would be?" Mac asked as he stood next to me and put his arm around my still shaking shoulders.
     
    "Is this serious?" Baba asked with a delighted grin as she took in Mac and me.
     
    "No," I said at the same time Mac said, "Yes."
     
    "Wonderful," she said approvingly.
     
    I wasn't sure who she was approving of, but I'd lay money it wasn't me.
     
    "One or several of these shitbombs released the honey badger who killed Hildy," Baba hissed venomously as she referred to the warlocks. They began to keen and wail. "I am too damned tired to deal with this crap. Zelda, I've brought them to you to figure it out and punish the traitor."
     
    "Are you shitting me?" I yelled. She was right out of her gourd.
     
    "Do I look like I'm shitting you?" she demanded.
     
    "Um… not really," I admitted. "But you have the wrong gal for the job. I heal people, not kill them. I'm the Shifter Wanker."
     
    "Yes, well it's all in the semantics," she explained making no sense at all. "Of course you might need some help."
     
    First she tells me to deal with it, and then she tells me I'm not capable of dealing with it. She was clearly off her meds. Why did I even get up this morning?
     
    "My magic is enormous," I snapped.
     
    "Correct," she agreed. "Enormous enough to make the Southern United States a crater. You need to find a witch whose talent lies in blowing up smaller areas… and things. You know, do some damage without taking the entire continent down."
     
    "Why can't you help?" I asked her.
     
    "Because it's not fated to be," Baba explained with a wave of her hand. "This is your territory and you must take care of it."
     
    "Says who?" I shot back. "I don't even know any other witches who like to blow shit up."
     
    "Think hard, my child," Baba said with a raised eyebrow.
     
    "Oh for the Goddess's sake," Daaaaad griped as he glanced down at his ringing cell phone. "I simply cannot communicate with this horrid person anymore. She's been calling for you all day and this time you can deal with her."
     
    "Who are you talking about?" I asked as I realized everyone in the room wanted a piece of me I wasn't willing to give. It was so much easier to just heal the damn Shifters. How had I become the one on charge of the entire shitshow?
     
    "It's someone calling herself Sassy. She says she has your three cats and she's on her way here to dump the mangy, lying, cheating, destructive bastards on your doorstep," Naked Dude said accusingly. "I didn't even know you had other cats. When were you going to tell me?"
     
    "I don't have any other cats," I yelled.
     
    This could not be happening. The thought of my former cellmate Sassy showing up was enough to make me want to blow up the town, cut my losses and run. And cats? I didn't own any cats. I didn't even like cats.
     
    "They're my cats!" Hildy clapped her hands in joy.