Free Grin and Bear It: How to Be Happy No Matter What Reality Throws Your Way by Jenni Pulos, Laura Morton Page A

supposed to be alone. I am not meant to be married. But I want you to know that I still want to be best buddies.” He really did think we could still work together. But I didn’t see it that way. You can’t be respected and trusted with someone’s dreams if you have deceived them.
    “Besides, you’ll probably end up with some doctor!” he said, trying to lighten the moment. I didn’t see the humor at all.
    I stood in our living room in tears, listening to what he had to say, with our two dogs at my feet. I looked down at our pug Janet, who had a “get him out of here” snarl on her sweet face. Then she pounced on Chris—as it would turn out to be, for the very last time. “She’s so stupid,” he said. “She doesn’t even know what’s happening.” Looking back, I’m not so sure he wasn’t talking about me. Janet—named after Janet Reno—is one smart bitch. I can’t say the same about her owner.
    The next day I called our Spiritual Father and I asked his advice about what I should do. This is a man who does whatever he can to help make marriages work, but this time he told me to have Chris write down the following sentence on a piece of paper: “I don’t want to be married,” and anything else he might have to say and then have him sign it.
    “When he does, you are done. It is over,” he said.
    He told me that if I ever had a second thought about going back to the marriage, I should go back and read the paper—that it would help bring me clarity. Chris’s letter was only a few sentences long and he typed it in a very small font. It clearly stated he didn’t want to be obligated to me. He signed it with ease. And I accepted it with heartache. But our priest was right. Every time I looked at the letter, I knew my marriage to Chris was over forever.
    I am a big believer in life taking you on the journey that you’re supposed to be on. Although I knew it would be painful and scary to be on my own, I also understood it would be far worse if I allowed this kind of behavior to be tolerated and accepted going forward. Something bigger than I can explain carried me through my pain with the hope that there was someone who would love me, though at times I wondered if anyone would ever love me.
    I had originally thought losing my marriage meant I was a failure. I was wrong. I don’t know the reason why Chris and I came into each other’s lives—I may never know. But I do know that for whatever reason the ten years we were together were meant to be.
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    Ya gotta fuck up before you get your shit right.
    — KID INK (BRIAN TODD COLLINS), L.A. RAPPER
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    I promise that even if you don’t know it right now, the pain, suffering, humiliation, devastation, panic, fear, and loneliness that may be holding you back, can actually be the road that will lead you to your dreams. I was desperately afraid to be alone and on my own, but I was willing to go through that fear to get to the other side. I really didn’t have a choice. I certainly wasn’t going to die of a broken heart, but there were days I felt like that was a possibility.
    I was in a lot pain for months after Chris left. And things didn’t get any easier during that time. I was afraid to sleep and be alone on any level. One of the days Chris was moving out, I noticed a collectable action figure of a man hanging from a tree outside my window. I don’t know if Chris intentionally left it there or if he hung it on the tree when he was moving out and forgot to take it or if it was something else. What I do know is that it totally freaked me out. From that day on, I worried almost every time I walked through my front door.
    Most people who go through trying times or tremendous hurt often refer to that period as a blur, and that’s how it felt. I think it’s why most women can’t remember the pain of childbirth. We must be genetically wired to forget agony, or we’d never have more than one child or allow ourselves to love again after