Free Grin and Bear It: How to Be Happy No Matter What Reality Throws Your Way by Jenni Pulos, Laura Morton Page B
Authors: Jenni Pulos, Laura Morton
heartbreak.
Even after the dust settled in my private life, I still dreaded the episodes that would make my worst secret public. We film our show several months in advance of the airdate, so I had plenty of time to lick my wounds before they were sliced wide open once again. I was paranoid about the show airing and how the story would be told. Especially since I have no control over what the final show looks like, what scenes go in, and which are left out. I prayed every single day that Bravo and our producers would protect me, but I didn’t have a clue of how it would all play out.
Of course, I watched the episodes leading up to that particular show and could finally see the truth about my relationship with Chris. I felt even worse about myself and our life together. I missed all of the signs, mostly because I wanted to. For example, I always thought Chris was an animal lover, until I watched him push one of Jeff’s dogs. No wonder my sweet Janet wanted me to kick Chris to the curb! My dog sensed what I simply refused to see.
When the fateful day arrived to watch this now infamous episode, I was with Jeff and his ex-partner Ryan, at Ryan’s home. They did their best to show me compassion and to be sympathetic, but it didn’t make the viewing any easier. I ran out of their house bawling after the first few minutes. I couldn’t watch another second of that agonizing episode, and have never tried again since. I left Ryan’s house and ambled up the street, trying to escape my feelings. I began to jog before breaking into an angry full-out sprint—much like the runs I used to take when I was at UCLA. About a mile down the road, one of the producers found me. I was frozen in fear. Just when I thought I was moving on, the show had pulled me right back in.
For ten years, I was completely convinced that I had been in a happy, healthy relationship. Of course, looking back, now I suspect Chris wanted to get caught. I believe that he was fed up with being on the show and didn’t know any other way to get out. Worst of all, he chose to let this emotional landslide unfold on national television.
I never thought I would get divorced or that my marriage would fail. It had been a huge fear of mine, especially seeing my mom never truly recover from hers. I vowed that it would never happen to me. And then, suddenly, there I was. I had become my mother and was publicly living out my worst nightmare. It would have been asinine and egotistical to think I had no role in the outcome. I had to take personal responsibility for my contribution to any dysfunctional relationship I chose to be in. I also had to take a step back and try to realize the other person’s perspective.
Jeff once told me that when it came to Chris, I needed to get the earphones out of my ears. At the time, I had no idea what he meant. After watching the second season of Flipping Out, it made perfect sense. I’d been blocking out all of the noise and disguising it as beautiful music. Sadly, it took a produced and edited television show in front of my face for me to open my eyes and finally see what I had been blinded to for so long.
THE NANNY-CAM MADE ME LEARN
1. You can fail, be betrayed, and totally humiliated on national television and not die.
2. The worst-case scenario often isn’t.
3. People who disrespect boundaries at work are probably doing the same thing at home.
4. I had no idea what to look for in a life partner.
5. I am not as smart as my dog.
5
Go Toward the Hit
----
I think I can
I think I can
I think I can …
—WATTY PIPER (ARNOLD MUNK) THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD
----
When America watched my marriage unfold on national television, what most people didn’t know was that Chris had actually left me once before that final breakdown of our relationship. In 2004, about four years into our marriage, he came to me and confessed that “he couldn’t be married anymore,” much like he would do
Even after the dust settled in my private life, I still dreaded the episodes that would make my worst secret public. We film our show several months in advance of the airdate, so I had plenty of time to lick my wounds before they were sliced wide open once again. I was paranoid about the show airing and how the story would be told. Especially since I have no control over what the final show looks like, what scenes go in, and which are left out. I prayed every single day that Bravo and our producers would protect me, but I didn’t have a clue of how it would all play out.
Of course, I watched the episodes leading up to that particular show and could finally see the truth about my relationship with Chris. I felt even worse about myself and our life together. I missed all of the signs, mostly because I wanted to. For example, I always thought Chris was an animal lover, until I watched him push one of Jeff’s dogs. No wonder my sweet Janet wanted me to kick Chris to the curb! My dog sensed what I simply refused to see.
When the fateful day arrived to watch this now infamous episode, I was with Jeff and his ex-partner Ryan, at Ryan’s home. They did their best to show me compassion and to be sympathetic, but it didn’t make the viewing any easier. I ran out of their house bawling after the first few minutes. I couldn’t watch another second of that agonizing episode, and have never tried again since. I left Ryan’s house and ambled up the street, trying to escape my feelings. I began to jog before breaking into an angry full-out sprint—much like the runs I used to take when I was at UCLA. About a mile down the road, one of the producers found me. I was frozen in fear. Just when I thought I was moving on, the show had pulled me right back in.
For ten years, I was completely convinced that I had been in a happy, healthy relationship. Of course, looking back, now I suspect Chris wanted to get caught. I believe that he was fed up with being on the show and didn’t know any other way to get out. Worst of all, he chose to let this emotional landslide unfold on national television.
I never thought I would get divorced or that my marriage would fail. It had been a huge fear of mine, especially seeing my mom never truly recover from hers. I vowed that it would never happen to me. And then, suddenly, there I was. I had become my mother and was publicly living out my worst nightmare. It would have been asinine and egotistical to think I had no role in the outcome. I had to take personal responsibility for my contribution to any dysfunctional relationship I chose to be in. I also had to take a step back and try to realize the other person’s perspective.
Jeff once told me that when it came to Chris, I needed to get the earphones out of my ears. At the time, I had no idea what he meant. After watching the second season of Flipping Out, it made perfect sense. I’d been blocking out all of the noise and disguising it as beautiful music. Sadly, it took a produced and edited television show in front of my face for me to open my eyes and finally see what I had been blinded to for so long.
THE NANNY-CAM MADE ME LEARN
1. You can fail, be betrayed, and totally humiliated on national television and not die.
2. The worst-case scenario often isn’t.
3. People who disrespect boundaries at work are probably doing the same thing at home.
4. I had no idea what to look for in a life partner.
5. I am not as smart as my dog.
5
Go Toward the Hit
----
I think I can
I think I can
I think I can …
—WATTY PIPER (ARNOLD MUNK) THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD
----
When America watched my marriage unfold on national television, what most people didn’t know was that Chris had actually left me once before that final breakdown of our relationship. In 2004, about four years into our marriage, he came to me and confessed that “he couldn’t be married anymore,” much like he would do
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