Free ShameLess by Mel Ballew

deal with Ren. I just keep walking. I need to find her! I am not paying attention to where I am walking. Ren has my mind a freaking mess! I trip over some empty beer cans and red solo cups taking up space on the lawn. What a fucking jam! I glance around at some people in huddles talking, hoping maybe she is, too. Nope! Still, no luck.
    I head around to the back of the house, hoping she went back inside through the door she came out of, back into the kitchen. If I’m lucky… Nope! Nothing - again.
    Now, I’m getting pissed off. There is a shit ton of hot girls inside that would be willing to do more than just have a simple fucking conversation with me, or run off. I don’t have to chase them. They chase me. No! But, here I am trying to locate her!
    As soon as the words exit my lips, I realize I actually do want to find her. I honestly do. I’m starting to worry about her. Just as I round the corner, I see her taillights but not before I hear her tires as she squeals away. Just like that, she is gone. Fucking loon! Smokin’ hot, but still, obviously, crazy as hell. If you ask me, it’s like her elevator has stopped between floors. What have I gotten myself into?
    I shake my head, repeating, ‘three fucking months’ in my head, and pull out my cell phone before I fall into step, heading in the direction of my car to try to catch her. I am in this now, so I better get going.
     

 

     
     

 

     
    S’renaty
     
     
    A waterfall of emotion falls from my eyes. Tears softly land upon my lap, quietly absorbing, and soaking into the fabric of my denim capris. Was trotting off, away from him the right thing to do? I know it is. I think. In this moment, I feel so vulnerable, alone and weak. The party was cool, in it is own way, but I also know, regardless of how much of an ass or crazy woman I just made myself look like when I ran out of those doors, I just ran away from the only guy that ever made my insides ignite. I’m sensitive. It could be the fact I’m so vulnerable being around guys anymore, especially after what Tucker did to me after the accident. He just believed all of the rumors, and stopped calling, blocked my number from his phone, and acted as though I didn’t exist.
    After two years with him, he treated me as if I was nothing, and that I didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as him. What killed me most was how he started taunting me, too. Yeah, he did. I never felt so betrayed. To this day, I still can’t process doing that to someone you say you ‘love’. Love is not a flowery word. It should be more than that. I can tell my neighbor I ‘love’ them, but if my actions don’t prove it, it’s just meaningless. When they tell you they ‘love’ you, but betray you while stabbing a knife in your back, that’s the worst form of disrespect and is everything else but love. That kind of love is toxic. Tucker’s form of ‘love’ obviously held no value. If that is how he ‘loves’ someone, I am glad I don’t exist to him. I’m relieved to no longer have that form of toxicity in my life.
    The longer I drive, the more webbed my thoughts become. I knew this would be difficult to come here and try to start over. Damn! I miss Elle. I miss Tucker – how he used to be. I miss home – the security I feel there. I miss my Mom – my best friend through everything. Mostly, I know, I am now missing my life – as it once was – I am missing me!
    And. What. The. Hell. Seeing Tucker at the party didn’t help. Shocked is an understatement! What was he even doing there? I fought hard to maintain my composure in front of Stefan, but I couldn’t hold back the pain as I was walking away from him. I tried. I pray he didn’t notice the sudden change in me. My entire body stiffened from the blow of that moment, of seeing Tucker here . I hope I was able to get out of there before Tucker saw me. I hope so. Seeing him stirred so much inside of me that I’ve been fighting to overcome. Seeing him was undeniably a