Free Hell Inc. by C. M. Stunich Page A

how to phrase whatever it was that he was going to
say. It was kind of sexy in a gross way.
    “Sexual
services.” I stared at him, reliving the pumpkin eater moment
all over again. Literal had taken on a whole new meaning for me. I
guess if you'd never heard of a Slippery Nipple ...
    “They
don't have cocktails where you come from?” I asked, trying to
keep my voice down as the waitress returned with our drinks. I
downed mine before she left the table and ordered another. “It
really must be Hell.” I didn't think Levie was getting it since
he was still staring at me with a perplexed expression. The little
lecture I had planned on alcoholic beverages was ruined though with
the appearance of the sphinx.
    “What
walks on four legs, then two, then three?” it asked, settling
itself comfortably on the floor and looking at us both with curious
eyes.
    “Man,”
I answered confidently, receiving a strange look from both Levie and
the sphinx. “What?” I asked. “I read Oedipus in
high school.” I stared at it, staring at me. “What are
you doing here anyway?”
    “What
is the purpose of a box with no sides?” it asked back. I had
no response, so I decided to leave it alone. It would stay if it
chose and leave if it chose; there really was nothing I could do
about it. I wasn't overly worried though. I'd had things follow me
around before when they realized I could see them, but it never
lasted long. Once the novelty of teasing someone who reacted wore
off, they always left. I felt kind of guilty anyway. Technically,
if I hadn't been paying so much attention to it, the sphinx could
never have had the presence to knock over that pot.
    I buried
my face in my hands and wished the waitress would come back with my
second drink.
    “What
am I going to do, Levie?” I asked him, peeking out between my
fingers. He didn't much look like he cared. But I did. I was on
their security cameras. Eventually, they would find me and it would
be for much more than just breaking a priceless artifact.
    I tried to
sort out the phrasing of my wish in my head and determine what the
exact specifications of the spell were. What could they see exactly?
Just the sphinx? Or everything? It would be amusing to find out, but
there was no way I was going back there. “I liked that
museum,” I stated to no one in particular. “And Terrence
was hot. Just my type, too.” Levie slammed his glass down on
the table so hard that the glass cracked. “What is your
problem?” I asked him. He grunted and glanced away. I checked
my watch; I didn't have time to examine demon mood swings. It was
three o'clock on the dot. Time to move to another table. I assumed
my mother would be late, but I wasn't sure how late. I didn't want
to even risk her seeing me with Levie. “Catch you later,
guys,” I said, trying to sound more cheerful than I felt and
walked to the table farthest away from them.
    Not a
minute later, a woman sat down in the chair opposite me. She was
holding out her hand, long plastic nails painted bubble gum pink and
embedded with little silver rhinestones glinted back at me.
    “Aren't
they precious?” She smiled at me, and I was shocked by her
straight, white teeth and head of thick, curly blonde hair.
    “A-Andrea?”
Was this woman really my mother? Impossible.
    “Call
me Mama!” she shouted and leaned across the table to hug me
tightly. She was wearing a tasteful, red silk blouse and a white hat
with flowers on it. There was no way this was my mother. “Don't
I look great!” She put her hands to cheeks that were way too
smooth to belong to the twenty-years-and-running drug addict woman
that I knew. “I'm clean and sober now.” She took her
big, shiny red leather purse off of her shoulder and hung it over the
back of her chair. I was in shock; I didn't really know what to say
except kudos to this whole wishing thing. So far, so good.
    “You
look great,” I breathed, shaking