woods?â
âWho knows why anyone does anything round here?â Taking advantage of the fact that Jaredâs distracted, Steffan snatches the instruction sheet out of his hand and scowls at it. âYou dipstick. Youâre telling me Iâve got the bloody pole upside down â youâve got the whole sheet upside down, havenât you?â He waves it in front of Jaredâs face.
âWas it?â
âYes. Did those funny shapes that looked a bit like upside-down capital letters not give it away?â
âIs that what those are? Huh.â Jared doesnât look impressed. He looks even less impressed by my attempt to hide my laugh as Steffan continues to call him a long list of exciting names.
âYou realize itâll be dark soon, right?â Iâm exaggerating slightly. Itâs not going to be dark for a while yet â not even at the rate theyâre going â but if I say Iâm bored again, Iâll sound like a four year old. Instead, I stand up and dust my jeans down. âIâm going to go over to St Judeâs to take a look at the changing rooms.â
âLet us know if the waterâs on, yeah?â Steffan barely looks up from the tent. Heâs now picked up a handful of the fabric and is stabbing at it with one of the tent poles. Either heâs finally worked out how itâs supposed to fit together or heâs attempting to sabotage Jaredâs chances of staying dry if it rains. It could go either way.
I leave them to it and start picking my way through the trees and back towards the St Judeâs playing field.
Thereâs a hole in the front of the door where the lock used to be, and it takes little more than a nudge to open it. So thatâs all fine â but itâs pretty dark inside. Changing rooms being what they are, you donât exactly get big picture windows down the side of them, do you? There is, however, a light switch just inside the door, which I find by fumbling around like an idiot.
Naturally, it doesnât do anything. I flip it up and down several times, because obviously faith healing is going to work on a broken light switch.
Still nothing happens. I have failed in my attempt to miraculously fix the lights. Iâm going to have to look for some kind of fuse box, arenât I?
Armed with my one âpractical scienceâ lesson from Year Eight (when Mrs Dalston handed everyone in the room a plug and a screwdriver and a handful of clipped wires and told us to put them together, before sitting back down at her desk to glare at us) Iâm going to try and turn on the electrics in the St Judeâs changing rooms. This can only end well, right?
Right.
The changing room block sits right on the edge of the schoolâs fixtures field. Theyâve got another field too, next to school, that they use for their PE lessons. But this is the posh one â the one for playing other schools. Which is nuts because it means that everyone hates St Judeâs matches. Even the St Judeâs teams. Especially the St Judeâs teams. Think about it: itâs the middle of January, youâve missed your whole lunchtime to run around a freezing cold pitch for an hour, getting the full benefit of the horizontal rainâ¦and when youâre done, you get changed and cleaned up in whatâs basically a concrete shed. After all that, you have to trudge back out into the cold and the mud and the sideways rain and get soaked again on the ten-minute walk back to schoolâ¦where you spend the rest of the day dripping gently into your shoes. As an exercise in building team spirit, itâs really something. Shame St Judeâs still suck at rugby anyway â and the less said about their hockey squad the better. Even we usually beat them at hockey.
The grass is longer around the side of the block; left uncut since the start of the summer, it reaches to my knees and the seeds stick to my jeans as I