Free Tessa in Love by Kate Le Vann

‘Well, whichever one you want, then.’
    She didn’t say anything.
    ‘What?’ I asked.
    ‘Does it occur to you that you’re changing yourself too much, you know, for Wolfie?‘
    ‘I’m not doing it so he’ll like me. I’m not doing it to keep him. You know that if you hang out with someone a lot you start picking up a couple of their habits. He’s done the same with me. I’ve changed him too.’
    ‘Really. How have you done that?’ Matty asked; she still sounded sort of irritated.
    ‘Is this a joke?’ I said. ‘OK, he agrees with me that some of his records, some of the hip hop, is quite sexist and he didn’t use to worry about that as much.’
    ‘But that’s just being like him,’ Matty said. ‘You’re just becoming extra right-on, more than you were before.’
    ‘I was always like this, Matty,’ I said. ‘Has it occurred to you that I just didn’t talk so much about it, because I wasn’t as confident and everyone always told me it was lame?’
    ‘Actually, no.’
    ‘Well, has it occurred to you that you just didn’t pay any attention to what I was talking about, because you always had your own stuff to talk about and it was always more important?’
    I had gone waaaay too far.
    Matty was silent for a bit longer.
    ‘It’s time I went home,’ she said.
    ‘I’m sorry, please don’t,’ I said. I bit my lip and we looked at each other. ‘I didn’t mean that at all. Really, I didn’t. I just don’t know why you’re getting at me today.’
    ‘I’m just worried about you,’ Matty said.
    ‘Oh my God, but why?’
    ‘I just worry that he’s changing you, and you’re losing some of the person you used to be.’
    ‘But Matt, I’ve never been happier, you know that? I’m in love and I have someone who understands me, and I know how to snog without practising on peaches ...’
    ‘Did you really do that?’ Matty said.
    ‘You told me it worked.’
    Matty collapsed into giggles and, after a while, so did I. Soon, we were crying with laughter.
    ‘And now?’ she said. ‘Do you still think it works?’
    ‘Well, I...’
    ‘If he’s snogging you the same way a peach does,’ Matty said, ‘I think there might be something wrong.’ We laughed harder, and Matty lay down on the carpet, and I thought the bad moment had passed. She stayed there for a while, quietly staring at the ceiling.
    ‘It could be me,’ she said. ‘I could be worrying about myself and trying out my questions on you.’
    ‘You haven’t changed,’ I said. ‘You’re still you and you’re still my best friend and you always will be. Lee hasn’t done anything to change you.’
    ‘Maybe that’s my problem,’ Matty said. ‘I look at you, and you’ve turned yourself into Wolfie’s dream girl...’
    ‘Really, I haven’t,’ I said. ‘It’s just that I seem to have more in common with him than I realised at first, and I love the way he makes me think about things. I like being good enough for him, because I respect him.’
    ‘That’s what I mean,’ Matty said. ‘I don’t think I’ve tried hard enough with Lee, and I think he’s got so many options, so many girls who’d do anything for him, that I...’
    ‘He’d do anything for you,’ I said. ‘And he’s lucky to get the chance to.’
    ‘Please, Tessa,’ Matty said weakly. ‘I know Wolfie and you are really like super cool, but don’t try and tell me that girls don’t have to work a bit to keep boys, especially when you so are.’
    Holy crap, Matty thought we were super cool? Wait a minute, Matty thought I was so working to keep Wolfie?
    ‘It’s really not like that,’ I said. My head was spinning, trying to keep a hold of everything. I wanted to tell Matty she had the wrong idea about me and Wolfie, and the way we were together. I wanted to tell her she had the wrong idea about Lee, if she thought he could do better than her. At the same time, who was I , with my brand new first ever boyfriend, to tell her anything – she probably knew