Free Born Hard Again: Book Three of the Future Remembered Chronicles by Bo Unce Page A

fellas," he smacked his fist into his hand.  "I am ready to do this!  I've survived worse than this.  Far worse!"
    "Ay, son, sit yo' ass down!  And listen," Koochy educated him.  "Now, you goan go out dere and be all hootin' and hollerin', like ' hey!  hey you big snow booger lookin motha fuckas!  Over here! '  Den, when dey start gettin' up on you and shit, das when you bring them up ta tha fronta dis hea snow-mobile, ya hear' me?  Den, I be puttin' dat harness on dem and BAM!  We got ourse'ves a ride ta mothafuckin c-town.  Awwww yeah, sucka!  Unnnnghhh!"
    Alphonso nodded.  "Uh, okay.  Yeah, I can do that.  I think."
    "We're counting on you," I told him.  "Look, they're getting closer.  You've got to get out there now!"
    The large white animals were roughly two hundred yards away now and closing fast.  They looked much larger than buses, more like small buildings.  They had what looked like enormous open sores all over their bodies and they were oozing thick, white fluid.  They weren't exactly sliding across the ice; it was more like they were riding through it, like a boat in water, leaving a frothy wake.
    "Okay.  Okay, guys," Alphonso was clearly reluctant.  He stopped at the door.  "Uh... okay." 
    "Mane, get yo' ass out dere!  We goan miss our chance 'cause yo' stutterin' ass ass.  Gon!" Koochy boomed at him with all of the speakers around us. 
    "Okay!" Alphonso yelled and jumped out of the chariot's cabin.
    "What should I do?" I asked my dead friend.
    "Ay, P, we goan get whiplash in dis bitch.  Ya bes' protec' ya neck, kid.  Find somewhere ta sit and hang the fuck on!" he told me as he began to barricade himself in the crawlspace under the cockpit control panel.
    I dashed into the nearest seat near one of the shattered windows near the front of the once-magnificent sled.  Pulling the seat restraint over my shoulders and hip, I turned my attention to Alphonso.  He was running towards the impending winter beasts, waving his arms like a lunatic.
    "Jesus, Alphonso," I said, under my breath.  "What are you doing?"
    "Dat boy cray doh," Koochy laughed all around me.
    "Cray" as it may have been, it did seem to be working, I noticed.  The glistening mammoths began to change their trajectory to point towards Alphonso.  He also seemed to realize this and turned around with a panicked look on his face.  He began to sprint back toward the front of the ship.
    "Das right, mane.  Das right," Koochy sounded optimistic.  "Lead dem fat white bitches to big papi Kooch!"
    Alphonso huffed by the front of the chariot, puffs of dusty snow kicking up around him as he raced.  A few seconds later, the two enormous creatures came trundling by. 
    "Unnnnghh!"  Koochy exclaimed when they were directly in front of our stalled vehicle.  "Get you some!"
    THUMNK!  THUMNK!
    I heard something dull and industrial sound from the front of the chariot.
    "Yeahhhh!" cheered Koochy.  "Fuck yeah, boy!  We 'bout ta-"
    Before he could complete his sentence, the chariot was jerked forward with tremendous force.  We were wrenched from the snowy bluff that had ensconced us, and dragged behind the two ice beasts.  Who were still chasing Alphonso.
    "Ow!" My head smacked the wall beside me as I was jostled about.  I could see Koochy was also having a hard time; his dead head was smashed several times into the underside of the control panel, causing his brain to begin to spill down his forehead.
    "You okay?" I asked my friend after we stabilized a bit.
    "Yea..." he began to extract himself from his hiding place.  "Mane, dat shit was rough, son.  Where dat fool, Alphonso?"
    I looked out the window and saw Alphonso.  Well, I saw his fleeing backside.  He was still a hundred or so feet ahead of his house-sized pursuers and seemed to be running out of adrenaline.  I gave him another five minutes, tops, before he was ice slug fodder.
    "He's right in front of us, Marcus!" I exclaimed.  "He's still out ahead of the snow-snot