Free On a Scale from Idiot to Complete Jerk by Alison Hughes

even though my parents seemed pretty sure it was him. Anyway, we were visiting early, before school and work. Not technically visiting hours, but the nurses made an exception.
    In comes a group of doctors. They always seem to travel in herds. Herd is probably not right—what do you call a group of doctors? A pride? A clot? Anyway, all of these doctors swarm into the room. The main doctor, the guy that did the surgery, barks at the nurse, “Why are there all these people here?” like we’re these random people who just wander from room to room staring at sick kids. Um, because we love this odd-looking chipmunk-child, you jerk.
    He waves us aside, then starts his lecture to the group of student doctors. He asks them questions and then dumps all over the answers they give, because apparently he’s way smarter than all of them. He leans over my brother, says “open up” and shines a light in his swollen mouth, and then he and the rest of them swarm off to annoy other sick children.
    Now, I know the surgeon is busy, and I’m not expecting him to pull up a chair and say, “Hey, bud, how’s the mouth? Let’s talk.” My brother wasn’t in any shape for that. But how about using his name? Saying hello? Making me and my mom and dad feel like something other than furniture? Nope. That guy’s probably got a very large brain, but he’s not only an idiot; he’s also a jerk.
    Rating: 7-8 (total idiot tending to jerk)
    C) Bus Drivers
    I have often observed, in a casual, unscientific way, that some bus drivers, including school bus drivers, seem to hate kids. This observation is, admittedly, just based on some negative school field-trip experiences and one city bus ride. Hey, I’m the first one to admit that some kids can be annoying on the bus, but even if you’re not bouncing on the seats, running in the aisles or sticking wads of gum under the seats, you sometimes look up to see the driver glaring at you in that big rearview mirror.
    I walk to school, but I had my friend and research assistant Marcus observe his bus driver for a week. She sounds like a real jerk (again, many bus drivers aren’t . Do I have to keep saying this?). I have to admit, when I handed Marcus a notepad with the words Jerkish Behavior: Bus Drivers written on it, I didn’t expect much. Marcus isn’t the most reliable guy in the world. I guess I expected that if he didn’t forget about doing it, he would just lose the notepad. Was I ever wrong. He really threw himself into this project. Check out his list.
    Jerkish Behavior: Bus Drivers
Elementary/Junior High Route 3C,
Monday to Friday
    â€¢ pulling away from the curb and flooring it when J.M. was sprinting for the bus and all the kids on the bus were yelling, “Kid running! Kid running for the bus!”
    â€¢ plowing through a red light, causing many other drivers to lay on their horns
    â€¢ pulling the bus over and sitting there glaring at us and not starting up until we were completely silent (except for the girl in grade one who was crying and saying we’d be late for school)
    â€¢ tossing an empty water bottle out the window!
    â€¢ grabbing my shoulder because my music was too loud
    â€¢ leaving us on the bus while she ran in to a convenience store to “get a coffee” (it was a pack of cigarettes—I saw it)
    â€¢ forbidding two grade twos to sit together because they were laughing too much
    â€¢ taking away S.V.’s cell phone because the ringtone was apparently “really annoying” (which it is, but so are the driver’s sunglasses, but we can’t just grab those)
    This bus driver really seems to embrace the jerk lifestyle.
    Rating: 9 (almost a complete jerk)
    ***Update : This driver has actually been fired! Not for all the jerkish things she did, but for not checking the bus and forgetting a grade-three kid, who was asleep. He had a great morning at the bus depot, eating