Free Collected Plays and Teleplays (Irish Literature) by Flann O’Brien Page A

At this point the TOWN CLERK has taken his enormous slug of whiskey and gives an involuntary gasp or grunt that is clearly heard. )
    KELLY: ( Turning in surprise. ) What——?
    TOWN CLERK: ( Covering up hastily. ) I was only clearin’ me throat, Chairman. These cigarettes has me destroyed.
    ( MARGARET wheels round and gets up, outraged by this noise. She moves back right, colossally irritated. KELLY shows concern. )
    KELLY: What’s the matter, Margaret?
    MARGARET: O, nothing. Nothing at all.
    SHAWN: Shure aren’t we all worn away with the excitement of this wild . . . mad . . . ferocious . . . exciting day.
    MARGARET: ( Testily, facing them all generally. ) I think it’s yourselves you’re all thinking about all the time, not other people. You don’t care what happens as long as you get your own way——
    KELLY: Margaret, what’s the matter?
    MARGARET: It’s true. You’re like three peacocks here, only that one of the peacocks has drink taken.
    TOWN CLERK: ( Who has become a bit hilarious after the last slug. ) That’s a bit of a crack at you, Chairman.
    KELLY: ( Very seriously. ) Margaret, please——
    MARGARET: All the talk about Ireland and the fine promises we heard for the last month are forgotten now. And all the hard un-Christian things that were said—it doesn’t matter about them, we’re all very nice and happy and good-humoured now because we’ve won.
    KELLY: ( Quietly. ) Margaret, are you not being a little bit unfair? It is perhaps true that in politics there is much that is unpleasant. But speaking for myself ( his voice rises as he unconsciously climbs into his plane of ranting ) speaking for myself, this much I will say. As an accredited deputy in the national parliament I am determined to serve my country according to my lights and to the utmost of the talents which God has given me. I am determined to strike blow after blow against the vested interest. I am determined to break—to smash—backstairs jobbery in high places. I am determined to expose—to drag into the inexorable light of day—every knave, time-server, sycophant and party camp-follower. I will meet them all and fight them. I will declare war on the Masons and the Knights. I will challenge the cheat and the money-changer——
    MARGARET: ( In a loud, shrill, half-hysterical voice. ) O, stop it. STOP IT! ( She begins to move restlessly about the room. ) I am sick—absolutely sick—of that sort of talk. I have listened to nothing else for a whole month. I simple won’t stand for any more of that. ( She turns on KELLY fiercely. ) Do you hear me, I won’t stand it! ( She sits on divan. )
    SHAWN: Yerrah shure we’re all very tired.
    KELLY: ( Going and sitting down beside her once again. ) Listen, child, you’re very tired. I think we should all leave you and let you get to bed.
    ( The TOWN CLERK , getting the pair seated again, retires to the background, produces the bottle and takes an even greater slug than the previous one. He gives another loud gasp. KELLY turns and gives him a long cold stare, realises what has happened and looks back again to MARGARET .)
    SHAWN: ( Rising, with many affectionate pats and adjustments at his clothes. ) I do, I do. ‘Tis time and more than time for all those who have laboured for the grand cause to steal away ( he tones his thick voice down to a level that is meant to be dainty ) quietly into the sweetness of the night and to take a few sweet hours of soft salubrious sleep. What do you say, Town Clerk?
    ( KELLY is talking inaudibly to MARGARET . At this point the door bell rings. It is a most unusual ring—sustained for ten or fifteen seconds as if the ringer suddenly dropped asleep with his finger on the bell. Just as it stops HANNAH rushes in at great haste. As she exits right to answer the ring, the bell peals again and apparently is stopped only by the door being opened meanwhile. )
    TOWN CLERK: Who in the name of God would this be now? Has he no shame to be calling to a private house