Free Collected Plays and Teleplays (Irish Literature) by Flann O’Brien Page B

at such an hour? Or would it be a Guard on duty?
    MARGARET: ( Wearily. ) O, I suppose it’s more of these election people.
    KELLY: Well, dear knows it is no supporter of mine and if it is he will march straight out again.
    ( He is interrupted as HANNAH rushes in, very frightened and casting apprehensive glances behind her. In a second or two the reason for her alarm appears. It is CAPTAIN SHAW . He pauses absolutely still on the threshold. His clothes look somewhat bedraggled and his face bears an extraordinarily tense expression. All present are astonished and at the same time tense that something unusual has happened. They gape at SHAW , and MARGARET rises to her feet in consternation. )
    MARGARET: ( Rising, as does KELLY also. ) Jim! What’s the matter? ( She takes a step forward. ) What’s the matter, Jim?
    KELLY: It’s our friend back again.
    MARGARET: ( Her voice rising somewhat hysterically. ) Jim! What’s wrong with you?
    TOWN CLERK: ( Who senses what is the matter from his own extensive experience and rushes forward to support SHAW .) Yerrah, sure the poor unfortunate man has been consolin’ himself. And why wouldn’t he!
    ( SHAW is still standing wild-eyed at the door. MARGARET takes another step forward and stares at him as if unable to believe the suggestion made by the TOWN CLERK .)
    SHAWN: ( Softly. ) I do, I do. He is happy in himself at last, God bless him.
    MARGARET: ( Almost screaming. ) Jim! Have you been drinking?
    KELLY: ( Very quietly. ) Sure the unfortunate man is stuffed with whiskey.
    ( Here SHAW moves or falls forward into the room. He is in the last blithering stages of intoxication and the nature of his movements and attempts at talking is more a matter for playing rather than for writing in the present script; only the outline of his remarks is attempted here. He staggers over towards SHAWN and attempts to hold out his hand as if to confer congratulations. )
    MARGARET: ( Beside herself. ) Jim!
    SHAW: No hard feelings, old boy.
    SHAWN: ( Genially. ) Ah, yerrah, the poor man!
    SHAW: No hard feelings, old boy. No hard feelings.
    MARGARET: ( Rushing over and confronting SHAW .) Jim, you’ve been drinking! You’ve been drinking! You, that never touched drink in your life!
    SHAW: H’llo Margaret. ( He peers at SHAWN .) You’re not Mr. Kelly.
    KELLY: I’m Kelly.
    TOWN CLERK: ( Almost simultaneously. ) This is the elected representative of the people, Mr. Kelly, T.D.
    SHAW: ( Blinking round vaguely. ) No hard feelings, old boy. ( He distinguishes KELLY and turns round to him. ) I’m a sportsman. Always believe in shaking hands with the man that licks me. ( He tries to hold out his hand. ) Besht man won, old boy. No hard feelings at all.
    ( He falls on divan. TOWN CLERK and SHAWN sit beside him. )
    KELLY: This unfortunate man ought to be in bed because damn the other place he’s fit to be in——
    ( At this point MARGARET becomes really hysterical. The sight of her brother in this condition brings all her loathing for drink to a terrific climax. She rounds on KELLY .)
    MARGARET: Look what you’ve done now! Look what you’ve done now! ( Then she looks in turn to SHAWN and the TOWN CLERK .) Do you see the result of your handiwork? ( She points at SHAW .) Look at him! Look at him. I hope you’re satisfied. That’s all I have to say. I hope you’re satisfied.
    KELLY: Margaret, for heaven’s sake don’t be talking like that!
    MARGARET: Why wouldn’t I talk like that? You’re worse than any of them. You’re responsible for this.
    KELLY: Me?
    MARGARET: You! It’s you that drove my brother to do this—to put himself on the same level as a brute beast—a man that lived for forty-five years in this world without knowing what the taste of drink was. ( Her voice rises even higher. ) You’re to blame for this. Do you hear me? You’re the cause of it and you’ll have to answer for it before God.
    KELLY: I’m to blame? How in the name of heaven am I to blame?
    SHAW: Let’s all be