Free Underground Secrets (The Underground #1) by S.A. Sproston

that she is trying to fight back tears.
    “I love you Marlie and I care about you so much. But I can’t watch you put on another fake smile or cringe at a simple touch. It’s not healthy.”
     
    Well shit, all of my defenses just went out the window. How can I keep pretending everything is alright with me if it’s tearing her up? I can’t. Maybe I could work on my interactions with the male species. But seeing a counselor is out of the question. I can figure this out on my own. How can I talk my problems out with a total stranger when I can’t even talk to Gemma about them? Or even myself? She was wrong about one thing, I do have male friends. Henry is my friend and there are plenty of others. But they all know my boundaries. The minute any of them tries to push for something more, then they are out of my life. They know not to ask about the why. No one but Gemma knows the details of why I am the way I am.
    “You’re right, Gem. I am sorry that this is affecting you. I didn’t realize. I promise I’ll try to work on things. It’s time for me to get over it and move on.”
    She looks up at me with wide eyes, “Are you serious? Like, did I just make a breakthrough with you? Is Marlie Edwards, the most stubborn woman in the world, taking my advice?” she holds up her hand to her heart. Once again, ever for the dramatics.
    “Yes. Now shut it. Point taken. I get it. I do. I really, really do. But you do know that there are certain things you can’t get me to change right? I mean, I know that after years of being friends with you, you always put up with my crazy shit and when it gets bad, you will say something to me. There are just some things I can’t change right now.”
    I get up to grab another beer. “Ready?”
    “Yes. I will drop it, for now. But I really do want to see you try.”
    “I will.”
    And god, will I as long as it gets me out of another heart to heart with anyone.
    We spend the rest of the evening talking about anything else but my past. I’m glad she didn’t mention the actual shit that went down two years ago, or his name. I probably would’ve ended up crying or leaving and I hate crying. It makes people weak in my opinion. I can’t afford to be weak. Not now, not ever.

FIVE
     
    T HE WEEKEND COMES AND GOES AND the week as well. The following Saturday we decide to go out again. One last get together before Gem and I drive to Indiana to spend time with my dad, my brother Michael and some old friends.
    Our friends are all coming out to join us; Henry, Alex, Kelli, her boyfriend Tom and Gemma’s new guy, John. I’m excited to be going out with all of them to enjoy a well-deserved night out.
    I am also extremely nervous about the promise I made to Gemma about not flipping out on every guy I meet and tonight is the perfect night to make good on my promise. I will try, but I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Good thing I have nice bottle of wine to cure that while I am getting ready.
    It’s not like I get hit on or approached all the time. Quite the opposite really. Maybe because I have perfected the bitch vibe to the max. Or maybe a man can just tell how damaged I am with just one glance. This is why I found it so odd that that guy Wes had been so persistent. Besides being extremely attracted to him physically, I find myself wondering, at odd times, what kind of person he is. He is the first man in two years that has made me feel something. Even if it’s just confusion and attraction. But alas, I told him to leave me be and it seems he has. Which is good… right?
    Standing in my room, I’m looking for something to wear. I have so many clothes, but not one of them seem to do my mood right for the night ahead. Should I wear a dress? Skirt? Pants? Shorts? Being a woman sometimes sucks.
    If only sweats were sexy…
    Closing my eyes, I step farther into my closet to blindly pick something. Yeah, that’s how I’m doing this shit right now. After doing three twirls like I’m