Free Someone to Watch Over Me by Helen R. Myers Page B

was the current woman in his life? She should be here by his side, keeping Gwen from wanting to take care of Jax, too.
    “Oh, I meant to tell you—great shirt,” she said.
    He grinned. “My mother’s orders. No black. You should have seen the crowd. Even the guys I work with on the police force and all those guys who knew my dad showed enmasse with no uniforms, just one loud shirt after another. We looked like we were gathering for a luau. I’d have brought leis if I’d thought of it in time.”
    “Did it help?” she couldn’t help but ask. “The colors, I mean.”
    “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I’m sure it didn’t hurt that we at least didn’t look grim. Which reminds me—you’ve done some work around here.”
    “Not so grim?” she asked.
    “That’s not what I said.”
    “I know, but it’s true. The place looked neglected. I finally noticed and did something about it.” She’d brought some light and color into her home at least.
    Which made her think of Jax’s mother. Which would be worse? she wondered. Mourning someone who’d been completely in love with life and very happily living it, or someone who’d closed herself off from everyone and was barely living at all? One had lost so much more than the other, but the latter seemed like such a waste.
    She still worried about the wasted time, the way she’d seemed to just give up. To hear Jax tell the story, his mother had never given up. Not that it had made a difference in the end. She’d still died.
    And Gwen hadn’t. She’d just lived for a while as if she had.
    “You know,” Jax said, “you look about as sad as I feel.”

Chapter Six
    G wen didn’t know what to say. She wouldn’t have wished this kind of sadness on her worst enemy, but it was certainly nice to think there was someone else in the world who understood how she felt. She believed he did.
    “What did you mean the other day, when you said you’d almost lost yourself?” he asked. “If you don’t mind my asking. Because I don’t want to upset you—”
    “I meant that, until the attack, nothing really bad had ever happened to me,” she blurted out. It wasn’t easy to talk about, but if he was in the same place she was, maybe there was something about her story that would help him, and she wanted to help. “My life was ordinary as could be. I mean, my father’s never really been around, but my mom and I were fine. We had lots of friends and life was good. I went to college, got a degree in business and a job handling corporate travel accounts. One of the perks was great deals on trips, and you won’t believe it, but I wasn’t scared of anything. I was going to see the whole world, just for fun, and when I was done, I’d get married, have my children, maybe do some writing on the side about allthe places I’d been. I had it all planned out, and I thought life would be a breeze, that nothing really bad would ever happen to me. You know?”
    And then she remembered who she was talking to.
    “Sorry. Of course you don’t know about that. You lost your father when you were so young.”
    “Yeah, but after that, I thought I’d paid my dues. Bad times were over. Then my mom got cancer.”
    “Oh. So you do know.” Gwen frowned. “Now I feel bad for having only one awful thing happen to me.”
    “Yeah, guilt is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?” He almost grinned. “The gift that keeps on giving. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, comparing my life to yours. I just feel like—”
    “Like you’ve lost yourself?”
    “Yeah.”
    “Like the whole world shifted, and so many things you’d assumed about your life, you were wrong about, and you just want your old life back?”
    “Exactly,” he said. “I have to go back to work. They’ve been really generous with leave time, but I can’t be out forever, and I have to find a new apartment, and wrap everything up with my mom and just…live. I have to get my life back. How do I do that?”
    “I don’t