Free What Love Is by D C Grant

anyone else, but no one amongst the men came forward. I could understand that – I’d been soiled by the Germans and would be an embarrassment to any man.
    “I will ask the priest if he will marry you,” Patricio said in the end. “We may not be able to get you the marriage licence but you will at least be married in the eyes of God, and that is the most important thing. I will go tomorrow and return with the priest’s answer.”
    As the gathering broke apart, I stood there watching them, angry that my fate had been decided by these people – people that I had only known for a short time, who had decided that I should be married to a foreigner.
    Aroldo touched my shoulder and I pulled away from him.
    “Don’t be sad, Lina. We’re just making the best of a bad situation. I’ll take care of you, I’ll protect you and the baby.”
    “The baby is a bastard! I hate it and I hate you!”
    I stomped away, but my bravado was for nothing. I had gone a mere ten paces before I folded over and vomited.
    30 November
    I know how that felt! Even now I gag at the thought of certain foods. Forget morning sickness, it was all day sickness. Poor Lina. How terrible to be pregnant after being raped, I can’t think of anything worse. I run my hands over my belly, feel the bumps and knobs of hands or feet underneath my skin and try to imagine how she felt. I felt bad enough, being a teen and pregnant, and here was Lina, about the same age as me and knowing that the baby growing inside her came from someone she hated, someone who had forced himself on her and almost killed her.
    I’d had none of that, in fact it was probably me that got Bevan into bed in the first place. Not that he hesitated at all – quite the opposite. He was as keen as me, but I had done the leading and he had done the following. How can I compare myself with Lina, when I live in a peaceful country, have a man who loves me and a safe and secure roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, food to eat. Her country was at war, her family killed, her brother unreachable, her only comfort was a soldier from another country. There is no way I can imagine how she felt.
    30 September
    There is no more talk of a wedding or of the baby or of attacking the Germans today. Patricio has received news that the Stella Rossa band of partisans has been wiped out after an attack by the Germans on their base at Monte Sole. Patricio is very angry and no one dares to go near him.
    He’s angry not just because of the attack, but because the brigade was caught by surprise and didn’t appear to have had patrols out which would have warned them of the attack. It was raining there, as it has been raining here, and Patricio says that the patrols must have taken shelter and not been at their posts. No one knows what has happened to Lupo, their leader. He may have got away, but there has been no word of him.
    What is even worse is that the Germans have not only attacked the area where the partisans had taken shelter, but also the surrounding villages. They have killed everyone in them and burnt the villages to the ground. The words of Field Marshal Kesselring are now certainly coming back to haunt us. This is the very thing he was warning us about. Now women and children have died as a result of the attacks that we are making on the Germans. It’s not fair. This is our country after all, and we are not allowed to defend it, to strike against the invaders that take away our government and even the very food from our mouths. I’m not sure what Patricio is going to do. No one dares approach him for he is in a dark mood, his face in a frown and he has an angry word for anyone who asks him even the simplest of questions.
    The only thing he says is that the Stella Rossa is finished. I hope that we aren’t too.
    10 October
    Today was my wedding day. I cried for most of the ceremony. The priest said that it wasn’t a proper marriage as it would not be recognized by the government, but Patricio said