Free Broken Road by Elizabeth Yu-Gesualdi Page A

slightly and added, “But, then again, if you’re not, I’m sure you’ll crash them all anyway.”
    The friends chuckled slightly and quickly became somber again. Brendon also brought flowers. He tossed them on the others and quietly mumbled, “Rest in peace, dude. We love you.”
    All became silent again with the exception of the music still blaring in the background. Jarrod spoke softly and asked his friends and brother if he could have a moment alone. They all nodded and Brendon said, “Sure…no problem.” They headed toward the car, and once in, Joey lowered the volume of the music and raised the windows so Jarrod could have a moment of privacy.
    Jarrod stood there alone in total silence, aside from the dulcet chirping sounds emanating from a few birds nestled in the trees surrounding the graves. He took a momentary look at his surroundings and noticed how peaceful and calm it was there. He and his family had been to this cemetery many times before when they would visit his grandmother’s grave on Christmas and Mother’s Day, but he had never taken in the serenity of the environment. A few large trees were scattered about, along with benches lining the narrow pathways for people to sit and rest—maybe even pray for the souls of their departed loved ones.
    After a minute or two, he quickly glanced behind himself to make sure he wasn’t being watched or listened to. He saw and appreciated that they were generously allowing him to have a personal moment with his friend. Looking up toward the sky, he was forced to momentarily squint due to the sun’s blinding rays. He closed his eyes and briefly enjoyed the soothing, soft breeze that suddenly passed over him. He began to speak, but choked up and had to begin again after clearing his throat twice.
    “I miss you, guy. I miss you so much, I can barely breathe…” He stumbled over his words and found himself trying to get words out while taking small gasps of air between sobs. “I don’t know what to do…I’m so scared.” He roughly wiped his tears away and took a steadying breath. “Sometimes I just want to pick up the phone and call you…but I can’t. Or I listen for your car horn outside my window…but nothing.”
    All of a sudden, Jarrod lost his hold on his crutch and fell to the ground. He heard the car doors open, but he immediately lifted his hand in a stop motion and said loudly and firmly, “No. I’m alright.” Within a few seconds, the doors closed again. But he knew that his friends and brother were now watching him.
    Jarrod grimaced in discomfort as he attempted to get himself into a somewhat comfortable position. Physically uncomfortable and emotionally spent, he sat silently a few moments while lost in tormented thought. After a brief period of plucking fistfuls of grass and tossing them to the side, he cast a passing agonized glance at his friend’s grave while desperately trying to calm his breathing down. His spectacular blue eyes were now swollen with grief and the whites were bordered with red streaks.
    Rubbing his face brusquely and then letting out a massive grunt of anger, he said, “God, I’m so friggin’ pissed at you. How could you leave me? How could you leave your mom and dad? You were supposed to fight, goddamnit! You weren’t supposed to die.” He stopped to take a steadying breath. “Why didn’t you fight? Did you even try? Didn’t you even give a shit?”
    He cried so hard and for so long that he thought he might just dry up and turn to dust; yet oddly at the same time, it felt somewhat cathartic to finally let it all out. For much too long, he had been trying to hold the pain and fear in so as not to show his despair. Because of this, he now found himself mentally and emotionally drained. But after this release, he felt to some extent somewhat spiritually and psychologically purified.
    Composing himself enough to lower his voice to a calmer level, he said, “Damn it, Dante. You’re killing me here. What am I