Free Learning to Heal by R.D. Cole Page A

wrong to not want to want to kiss your baby daddy who’s not really your baby’s daddy? If that confused you, then welcome to my world. I’m so frickin’ confused that I decide to take a drive instead of sitting in my too quiet apartment. Even my reality television addiction isn’t helping. I turn up Tell Me how You Like it by Florida and Georgia Line and sing at the top of my lungs even though I shouldn’t. I need to release some of this frustration.
    It’s been a few days since I almost broke my own rule and I’m still worked up. Why do I keep seeing Mason differently lately? Why did I agree to this ridiculous plan? Why did I fall in love with my professor, who’s a lying piece of shit scumbag who doesn’t have the balls to tell me he’s married?
    I feel myself getting worked up and my chest starts to hurt as it tightens while my breathing accelerates. I start to take slow deep breaths in an attempt to calm down but it’s not working, so I pull over on the side of the road. I reach in my glove box and grab a small paper bag to breathe into. I keep these just in case and haven’t had to use one in a long time.
    Once my breathing is back to normal my mind is still muddled so I decide to call Tru. She doesn’t pick up. I shoot her a text asking if she wants to go with me for a retail therapy session. She says yes but she’s finishing up the lunch shift at Jay Jay’s so it will be a few minutes.
    Making a quick but illegal U-turn, I head Tru’s way and suddenly feel hungry. The nausea has eased up and I’m now able to keep more food down. I’m still not brave enough to try my favorite chili cheeseburger any time soon.
    After grabbing a bite to eat and waiting for Tru to be done for the day, we go and hit the mall. While we walk around looking at all the faces pass us I get lost in my thoughts again. I can’t seem to prevent myself from thinking about Mason here either. Maybe I’ll ask Tru her opinion.
    I turn around and see she’s not by me any longer. “Tru.”
    “I’m over here.” I follow her voice and see her looking in a window for Hot Topic.
    “Why are you looking in there?” I eye the corset bodice that’s showcased on a mannequin. It’s black with hot pink ribbon laced on the sides and back with matching garters. “That is hawt!”
    Tru just continues to eye it for a minute then walks in the store. I follow her in where she asks for one in her size. “Do you have fishnet tights?”
    “What are you doing? I thought we were looking for a Christmas gift for Jax?” I’ve never been in here but I love the style. It’s so dark and sexy. I need to come back after I have this baby. I see a short, plaid skirt and my mind wanders to Mason and what his reaction would be to me dressed as the slutty student. Ugh! There I go again. I am pregnant with my professor’s child so I guess I am the slutty school girl after all.
    “Yeah. But what do you get a guy who has everything?” she asks while paying the girl who’s wearing heavy eye makeup and a lip ring.
    “Um, I don’t know … a gift card like I did?” The girl behind the register winks in my direction and so I wink back just for shits and giggles. Looping my arm around Tru’s waist, I see her smile fall. I might flirt with her, but I’ve sworn off all romantic relationships. Male or female. I put my finger to my lips and say, “Shhh! What my brother doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
    Tru gets my game and starts to play along with me. We’re just in sync together and it’s almost like some Yoda shit at times. “You ready, baby?” She smiles flirtatiously at me and pinches my butt hard.
    We walk out together holding hands and laugh when we are finally out of the girl’s vision. After a minute I finally get back to our conversation. “So why the sex kitten attire?”
    “It’s for your brother. I decided that a full show and strip tease with a lap dance to boot is what he’s getting for Christmas. I also bought him some board wax