Free Seducing Jordan: A Second Chances Novella by Andrea Dalling Page A

not freaking out at the diner.”
    “I’m not ashamed of being with you. It’s just…complicated.”
    “This is new to you. I get that.”
    He massaged the heel of his hand. “If I told my parents I’m bi, how do you think they’d react?”
    Jordan shrugged. “Hard to say. They’ve always been cool with me, but I’m not their son. I mean, it’s not like they’d kick you out or anything, but…”
    “It’s not what they expect of me.”
    “They’d get over it.”
    “Yeah.” He shook his head. “The kids at school…”
    “We’re not at school anymore. The people we considered friends—we’ll never see half of them again.”
    “They’d laugh if they knew. They’d think less of me.”
    “Welcome to my world.”
    He rubbed his temples, fighting off a headache. “How do you deal with it?”
    “I have no choice. But you do.”
    Did he? He shook his head. He and Jordan fit in a way he and Cyn never had—that wasn’t a choice.
    He didn’t like where these thoughts were leading. He couldn’t base his entire sexual identity on these two experiences. He’d been attracted to girls since third grade, and to Jordy for six months. Something didn’t make sense. He wasn’t about to abandon everything he’d believed about himself until he figured this out.
    It was ridiculous, thinking he had to work this out now. He knew what Jordan wanted, but this wasn’t just about Jordan. If he made a commitment before he was ready, it would only be a matter of time before he rebelled against it, hurting Jordan even more.
    “I’m sorry I can’t be what you want.”
    “Maybe you can, in time. And if not, we’ll always have this weekend.”
    “Is that enough for you?”
    Jordan shrugged. “I’m not going to pressure you, and I’m not going to beg. I can get over you if I have to. I just don’t want to.”
    He didn’t want to, either. But if a straight lifestyle was still an option for him, he wasn’t ready to give that up.
    ***
    After they finished eating, Rick went out to put gas in the car. Jordan wandered up and down the aisles. Cereal, granola bars, cookies, crackers. Bread, peanut butter, jelly. Was there a health and beauty aisle? Bumblebees buzzed in his stomach.
    “Can I help you find something?” the owner asked, coming toward him from the other end of the aisle. His cheeks grew hot.
    “Condoms?” she suggested.
    Was his embarrassment that obvious? “No, um, enemas.” He couldn’t look at her as he said it. They weren’t necessary, but he didn’t want to risk grossing Rick out. He’d seen a video about it online, how you should pour out half the medicated liquid and replace it with distilled water to avoid cramping.
    “Right back here,” she said, and he followed her to the far corner. “Don’t be shy. I get gay couples in here all the time.” She handed him a box. “Will this do?”
    Apparently, you know better than me, lady. “Uh, yeah, this is fine.”
    Her eyes softened. “This is new to you, isn’t it.”
    He looked away.
    “This guy you’re with…do you trust him?”
    He looked at her, tears burning the corners of his eyes. “With my life.”
    She nodded. “Trust is what matters most. Even more than love. Love can steer you wrong, make you ignore that voice in the back of your head, or that feeling in your gut that tells you something isn’t right. But if you’ve got trust, that’s half the battle.”
    He nodded and made his purchase. Walking to the parking lot, he thought about all the reasons he was making this choice. Doing it for love wouldn’t be enough, as long as Rick wasn’t able to commit to him. But doing it for trust—for all the times Rick had looked out for him, stood up for him, taken care of him—that was reason enough. Not for their romance, but for their bromance.
    ***
    Rick stood at the pump, sun baking the concrete. The odor of gasoline swirled around him. He half expected the heat to ignite the fumes.
    Traffic dribbled past, not like the tight