Free Fifty Shades of Shade - "The Fifty Shades of Grey Parady" by E. Jay Lames Page B

                     Bondage with rope
                          Bondage with leather cuffs
                          Bondage with pretzels (soft)
                          Bondage with handcuffs/shackles
                          Bondage with other
     
    I didn’t know what kind of device “Other” was (it sounded spooky), but everything else scared the hell out of me even more. I was torn. I wanted more than anything to please this man. But at the same time everything listed sent shivers down my spine. I felt the fear in my soul.
    What about me?
    I feel it in you too, Subconscious.
    You better not be cheating on me with Soul!
    As I put down the contract and go back to the computer I realize I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Suddenly, I look behind me and there’s a man dressed in business wear standing there with a friendly smile.
    “Ah.” I jump.
                  “Hello. Mr. Shade sent me to set up your computer.”
                  “Do you just appear in places out of nowhere like that?”
                  “Yep.”
                  I collect myself. “Okay. Go right ahead.” I let him set it up. As he finishes everything he beckons me over to take a look.”
                  “So it’s all set up here. This is your Me account.”
                  “Me account?”
                  “Your e-mail account.”
                  I have an e-mail account? Can anyone please explain to me how anyone can make it through college this day in age without an e-mail address?? No, Subconscious. Nobody can.
                  The IT guy concludes his instruction and leaves. A surprised Melissa shows him out.
                  “How did he get in here?” she asks me.
                  “Shade.”
                  “Ah.” She turns and leaves, satisfied with the answer.
                  I look back at the computer screen. It’s so glowy. I see that I have my first e-mail. I try just telling the computer to open it. Doesn’t work. I try pressing the part of the screen where the e-mail is. Nothing either. Then I realize it’s probably motion activated, like the fancy sinks in the airports. I wave my hands in front of one of the blinking lights on the side. Still nothing. Angry, I smash my fist against the computer. My e-mail opens. That worked.
                  It says I have an e-mail from Sebastian Shade. An e-mail from Sebastian Shade! I wonder what he’s like:
     
    From:  Sebastian Shade
    Subject:  Your new computer
    Date:  May 22, 2012
    To:  Chastity Stool
     
    Dear Miss Stool ,
                  I trust you slept well. I hope you put this laptop to good use, as discussed. Look forward to dinner Wednesday. Happy to answer any questions you might have before then.
                                                                                                     
                                                                                                                    Sebastian Shade
                                                                                                                    CEO Shade Enterprise, Inc.
     
                  I hit reply.
     
    From:  Chastity Stool
    Subject:  Your new computer
    Date:  May 23, 2012
    To:  Sebastian Shade
     
                  I slept very well, thank you. This computer is just a loan right?
     
    P.S.  Is yours motion-activated?