Free The Void by Bryan Healey

will see her again...
    I can't imagine never hearing her voice again.
    I can't imagine no longer being.
    Jenny, please!
Come back!
    Please...
    Come back...
    But she is gone.
    Only silence...
    Will this be what death is? Only silence, total silence... Nothing,
darkness, the void; pure emptiness. Or will it be even greater; truly
nothing, a complete lack of existence. What would it be like to not
exist? Of course it would be like nothing, I won't be able to
perceive it, to understand it. My mind will be going, disintegrating
in the ground, slowly turning into goo for the earth, food for
plants.
    Trapped in a box...
    Odd to consider a lack of thought, a lack of being, a lack of
existence. Having only ever perceived existence, I have no comparison
with which to think of, to compare my future to. But the future is
coming...
    ...looming large, like the brilliant orange glow before the cresting
of the morning sun...
    ...I'm so afraid...
    "Max, can you hear me?"
    Suddenly, my eyes are open, the pain furious and burning, deep in my
abdomen. I heave forward, my eyes locked on the sight of Jenny,
leaning against a glass door at the far corner of the room.
    "What is wrong with me?"
    "You're detoxing, Mr. Aaron."
    "What?"
    I can't comprehend; I only feel pain.
    "You had an almost lethal amount of pain killers in your system.
We pumped your stomach, and you've been unconscious for two days. But
you're going into withdrawal, and you'll be feeling sick for a few
days more, I'm sure."
    "It hurts! Oh Jesus, it hurts!"
    "Are you going to vomit?"
    "Yes," and I lurch to the side and heave.
    Nothing comes...
    "Nurse," was all the man says, and a woman, tall and attractive,
comes to me with a pink, kidney shaped bowl and place the object in
front of where my mouth now is. I heave once again, feeling the burn
in my stomach violently rise into my throat.
    And I vomit, forcefully, back arching...
    "Ugh," is all I manage as I lay back in the bed, the pain still
there, still furious, my stomach churning and bubbling. My head is
throbbing and my throat is dry and hoarse.
    "Max, this is good!"
    "No," I grumble.
    "You need to get everything out of your system, Max, if you want
to be able to heal."
    "No," I repeat.
    "Max-"
    "Please, give them," I squeak, never mentioning them by their
name or saying the words, but everyone knowing just the same what I
mean.
    "You don't need them, sweetie."
    That is Jenny, the first words she speaks.
    She sounded almost... happy...
    Why is she happy?
    "You came back," I manage.
    She looks perplexed.
    "Came back? Came back from where?"
    "You left me."
    She looks at my father, who I finally notice beside her, leaning
against the wall perpendicular to the door that Jenny is against.
They share an awkward glance, both clearly confused.
    "I never went anywhere, sweetie."
    "Last month, I watched you leave." I wasn't sure of the
time-frame, but I feel it was a reasonable guess given what I can
remember.
    "Last month?"
    She walks up to me, puts her hands on my legs, which oddly feel
painful under her fingers. Why do my legs hurt? Why does everything
hurt?
    "Yes, last month."
    "Sweetheart, I didn't go anywhere last month."
    "I
watched you leave!
"
    I was suddenly angry, furious, and I didn't know why. She was
questioning, not just the time that I was saying, but that I saw it
at all. She was questioning my sanity, and I was not insane.
    "Sweetie-"
    "No! Stop it!"
    And I pull forward, and find myself unmoved. I look left, right; my
hands are restrained by thick, brown cuffs that are chained to the
edges of the bed.
    Why am I being restrained?
    "Let go of me!"
    "Max, please-"
    "No! Let go!
Let go!
"
    "Okay, everyone out! Right now!"
    That was what I presume to be the doctor. Jenny gave him a long,
somber look, glanced at my father, and then slowly turned, opened the
door and left into the hallway and out of sight.
    "Bring her back in here!"
    "Max, calm down!"
    "No! Bring my wife back in here!"
    "No!"
    And I stop struggling, silenced,