Free The Void by Bryan Healey Page A

shocked at the fury in his words.
He wasn't trying to be reserved, he was being forceful, letting me
know he was serious and not willing to bend at my insistence. Looking
left and right once again, I have a brief moment of clarity,
recognizing that I am going no where without this man's support, and
gently lay back down.
    "Why?" I manage, suddenly starting to cry.
    My stomach is raging...
    I'm going to vomit again...
    "Because you-"
    And I heave, once, twice, then vomit all over my hospital garment.
The nurse rushes forward with a fresh kidney shaped dish, but it is
much too late.
    "Oh, Max," the doctor whispers.
    "I'm sorry," I squeak. "I hurt."
    "I know, Max."
    "Can you give me something?"
    "No, Max."
    "Please! I hurt so much!"
    "Max, I want you to listen to me," he says, coming nearer my
face as the nurse begins to mop up the filth strewn across my body
with a thick cloth.
    "I'm listening."
    "I can't give you anything because we need to get your system
completely clean of drugs. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"
    I sigh, heave once more, but then settle back to the bed. "I
understand," I mutter, desperate for him to change his mind, to
knock me out, to take away the pain. I feel like hell...
    Or how I imagined hell to be...
    "Try to sleep. It will help pass the time."
    And he leaves the room.
    It is now only the nurse and I, who is still cleaning me. I am
embarrassed, in agony, and furious. I need to escape, to feel nothing
once again. I need to get out of this hospital.
    But I can't.
    And so I cry, suddenly and bitterly...
    The nurse never looks up.
    "Hello, Max," says Sarah.
    Is it the same night? Have I missed a day?
    Where is Jenny?
    "I saw that your wife was here late tonight."
    Is she gone now?
    "She's beautiful."
    Yes, she is... was... is...
    "You two must have been very happy."
    We were... often enough, anyway...
    "I'm sure you had your problems, of course, everyone does, but she
seems to really love you."
    Were you watching her talk to me?
    "I wish I could have found someone for me."
    You will, Sarah...
    "I guess it's still
possible
, maybe, but I doubt it. I
don't have anything anyone would want, and I'm too shy to talk to
anyone, anyway."
    Don't think like that, Sarah, you're a great girl and any man would
be lucky to have you!
    "I saw your son, too," and the ruffling of sheets once again, as
always. I imagine she is changing them, or perhaps rearranging them
to be more neat and tidy.
    Is Brian still here?
    "He's a very handsome man, very polite. You should be very proud
of him."
    I am very proud of him...
    Very proud...
    "He looks just like you, too. Much younger, of course, but the
same basic... look..."
    I hope he is more handsome than me...
    "You have a wonderful family, Max."
    Thank you, Sarah. I will miss them...
    "I envy you. I wish I had a family that would come see me if I was
sick, stay with me, even wait and be with me to watch me die.
    "When Michael is gone, I'll have no one."
    Oh, Sarah...
    "When I die, no one will be around to wait with me and sit with me
and help me go in peace. I'll die alone, all by myself..."
    Sarah, don't think like this! Don't focus on your death, that will
be one day in your life! Focus on what you have now, on Michael, on
your work and your friends, on living while you have time to live!
    "I don't want to go out like that, all alone, strapped to a
hospital bed, waiting to die."
    And you won't!
    "I want to decide when I go, you know?"
    Decide?
    "I think that is the best way to die. On your own schedule, when
you choose."
    No! I don't know that!
    "I don't want to be old and miserable."
    You won't be!
    "And who knows, maybe I'll get mercy. Maybe I'll see you! I've
always wondered what it would be like to meet you. I've watched you
lay here for years."
    I'd like to meet you, too!
    But here, alive!
    "I'll always think of you, Max... For however long I can, I'll
always think of you..."
    Please, Sarah, enough of this!
    "And I'll be here as long as you are..."
    Sarah,