Free Jessie Belle: The Women of Merryton - Book One by Jennifer Peel

were
thirty-five.
    But
what did I know? Childless woman that I was.
    As
I ogled Mark Harmon on NCIS , I wondered how the father-daughter reunion
was going in Utah. I still couldn’t believe Blake was a dad. So many emotions
surrounded that thought, including everything from anger to inadequacy. It felt
like all I had done for the last decade was try to make us parents, and I had
nothing to show for it except a broken marriage. And now all of sudden one of
us has what the other could never obtain.
    I
tried my best not to make it about me. My mother was right. It wasn’t all about
me. Maybe that was the problem—it had nothing to do with me. Blake was a dad
and it had nothing to do with me.
    Blake’s
timing for calling wasn’t good, but I answered anyway.
    “Hello.”
    “Jessica.”
    “That’s
me.”
    “I
just got back to the hotel, so I thought I would call.”
    I
waited for him to say something else. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. I was
on the verge of crying, but I didn’t want him to know that. I knew this wasn’t
easy for him and I even knew he wasn’t trying to hurt me, but the pain was
still there.
    “What’s
wrong?” he asked.
    Why
did he have to start being in tune with me now? “Tell me how your day went.”
    “Tell
me what’s bothering you first.”
    “I
really don’t want to talk about it.”
    “I
know this his hard for you. I’m sorry.”
    “So,
how’s Madeline?”
    He
paused for a moment. I felt bad I was making him be cautious about his own
daughter. “She’s lively.”
    “Lively?”
    “She
talks a lot.”
    “That’s
normal for girls her age.”
    “Then
she’s very normal.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
    “You
got along then?”
    “Yeah,”
he said relieved.
    “I’m
glad. So, what did you guys do?”
    “Not
much. I wasn’t sure how comfortable she would be with me, so we mostly stayed
at their apartment and talked.”
    “So,
Sabrina was there?”
    “Yes,
of course. She asked about you.”
    “And
what did you tell her?”
    “I
told her you ran your own café.” 
    “How
impersonal of you.”
    “What
was I supposed to tell her?”
    “I
don’t know, you could have lied and told her I was the best wife ever and
beautiful and what a lucky guy you are to have married me.”
    “That
wouldn’t be a lie, but Jessica, what’s wrong?”
    “Maybe
it’s the fact that you spent all day with a woman you slept with and then had a
child with! Or maybe it’s that I’m jealous because I can never give that to
you.”
    “Jess,
there is no reason for you to be jealous. I’m not attracted to Sabrina in the
least. And I didn’t marry you because of the children you could give me. I’ve
told you from the beginning I would love you whether we had children or not.
But sometimes I wonder if you feel the same about me. Can you love me without
children?”
    The
ever-present tears fell from my eyes. I took several deep breaths. That
question stopped me dead in my tracks. My first thought was of course .
When I married him, it was for him and only him, but as the years had gone by
that focus shifted. I’d lost sight of our marriage. “Blake, how did it all get
so messed up?”
    “I
don’t know.”
    “Would
you have come after me if you knew about Madeline from the beginning?”
    “Without
a doubt. The question is would you have taken me back?”
    “That
is a good question.” It was one I didn’t have an answer to.
    “I’m
leaving here first thing tomorrow morning. When I get back into town, I’ll come
pick you up and take you out to lunch.”
    “You
realize I own a café, right?”
    “Is
that what that is?”
    I
was surprised he responded with sarcasm. That wasn’t his style, but I liked it.
“That’s what the sign says.”
    “I
want to speak to you without getting the whole town involved.”
    “That
will be easier said than done.”
    “I
know.”
    “I
guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
    “I’ll
probably be there around