Free Unquenched by Jorie Dakelle Page B

question in my voice. 
    "Hi," he responded energetically and with immediate
recognition.  "Does this mean what I think it does?" he asked
disappointedly. 
    "Yes," I said, "unfortunately, I am just not
comfortable telling Jordan that I can't go with him.  Ultimately, I will have
to deal with it all, but it will be easier after the holidays.  Believe me, the
thought of you being right down the street from where I live, two days from
now, when I'm not there, is making me crazy." 
    I gave him some suggestions of things to do on Christmas, given
the fact that many places might be closed.  As the conversation continued, I
felt a strange sensation.  It was almost like free falling.  There was no
bottom or no end in sight.  But that's what it was like.  I didn't know when
I'd see Tristan again.  We said our good-byes which were simple and light, and
said we would talk sometime soon.
    Jordan arrived at my apartment that night.   We had not yet
discussed how long we would stay, but he knew I was going to the Cape.  It was
all so confusing.  I felt like I was on unstable ground.  With anything he did
or anything he said, I was on the verge of changing my mind.  But I couldn't. 
Or wouldn't.  It just wasn't fair.  One thing at a time, I kept telling
myself.  But then my sister stopped by.  And she offered me something that
changed everything.
    She came to my apartment to say hello, but really she had come to
see Jordan.  She and Jordan had a nice relationship but they hadn't seen each
other since I had left for Asia.  As they interacted happily I felt my heart
being torn.  It was one more thing that I loved about Jordan.  His wonderful
ability to care for others and make others care for him.  And yet as I watched
him, he appeared to me differently than he had on our three week trip.  But I
knew the changed person was me and not him, the reality was just setting in.
    Jordan excused himself to go move his car, and my sister and I
were alone.  She and I were close, incredibly close, and she knew of my
innermost thoughts.  She knew about Tristan, my confusion and desires, but had
her opinions all the same. 
    "What did you finally decide," she asked me, hoping that
I planned to go.  She really liked Jordan and understood what lacked, but had
reasons for me going despite it. 
    My answer was melancholy as I told her my decision, but explained
that I still wasn't happy.
    "I think you should go and see how you feel, but don't stay
around for Tristan." 
    She didn't need to say it, I knew what she was thinking.  Her face
spoke words of its own.  But then she looked at me.  She saw my distress.  And
she knew that Jordan was not the answer.
    "I need to feel the excitement I've been missing.  The
passion that I have always dreamt of feeling for him but never have.  Now, its
close enough to touch," I said sadly. 
    "I know, I want to feel that way too," she admitted. 
"OK, I'm not encouraging this," she said.  "But I have an idea. 
Why don't you take my car?"
    She had just bought a car and I didn't own one, but I wasn't quite
sure what she meant. 
    She added, "If you and Jordan take separate cars, you can
come home whenever you want."
    My eyes opened wide as thoughts raced through my head, wondering
if it was really an option. 
    "Really, are you serious, I mean it's a five hour drive.  You
don't mind if I drive it that far, you haven't really used it yourself." 
    She replied, "Honestly, I'm not that psyched about it but I
want you to have the opportunity to do what you want.  By the way, when was the
last time you drove a stick shift?" 
    We both laughed, remembering the jerky movements and number of
stalls that I made her last car perform. 
    "Years ago, but I promise, I know how to drive one," I
said with a chuckle.  It actually did scare me to think about the distance but
suddenly, there was no obstacle too big. 
    "Well, there's one more thing," she added.  "You
know that I'm going on vacation