Free No Moon by Irene N.Watts

Johnny, before your small body was dragged down under the water? Why didn’t we hear you? I am sorry, I will always be sorry! I’ll never forget
.
    I run back up the path, away from the moonlight shining on the water, away from ghosts that still haunt me.
If only I were dreaming…if only Kathleen were here to wake me and comfort me!
    I reach the door at last. I should not have left the children. I replace the latch and lean against the scullery door for a moment. I have wiped my feet so as not to leave marks on the clean floor. No one has seen or heard me. In a moment, I will be back in my bed. The moon distorts everything–sights and sounds in the dark, which in daylight seem nothing.
    I go through the baize door and up the stairs. Nanny Mackintosh stands, looking down at me, waiting.
    “Did you think you were unobserved? I watchedyou, behaving like a creature, demented! Have you come to your senses at last? I had hopes for you, Louisa Gardener. I see I was mistaken. All my efforts to tutor you, my words of wisdom learned painfully over the years, have been wasted. Willful girl, how dare you go outside improperly clothed! Look at your hair, your bare feet! I should dismiss you on the spot!”
    “I am very sorry, Nanny Mackintosh. I had a nightmare, I couldn’t breathe, the heat…”
    “Go in and sit; do not move!” She disappears and comes back holding a spoon and a large bottle of castor oil. Outwardly meek, I force down two spoonfuls of the evil-tasting liquid. I know better than to refuse. This is the worst punishment I can think of!
    “A touch of heatstroke and overindulgence in rich foods may partly explain such an exhibition. Never, in all my years of service, have I encountered such unseemly behavior from a member of my staff! Get to your bed. We depart for home immediately after breakfast. I will decide how you are to be dealt with in due course!”
    She watches me until I am back in the night nursery. The girls sleep peacefully; I kiss their cheeks. They are already dear to me.
Will I be dismissed?
    After I hear Nanny’s door close, I open my window one last time. There is no moon now, and the frogsare silent. I fall asleep to the steady breathing of the little girls.
    I cannot eat my breakfast, though Cook has sent up boiled eggs for a special treat. I nibble a piece of dry toast, dreading the long journey back to London. Nanny looks very pleased with herself, whether it is because she will once more be in charge of her own nurseries, or because she believes she has quenched my spirit, I do not know.
    Mr. Harris has arrived and stowed the luggage away. The gardener hands him a basket of fruit and vegetables to give to Mrs. Porter.
    Lady Portman kisses both little girls good-bye. “I shall miss you, my darlings. I hope to see you again very soon.” She turns to Nanny. “My dear Nanny Mackintosh, what would we all do without you? I am so pleased that your nursemaid has adapted so well to your methods–a most suitable choice! We will look forward to your visit next summer.”
    “It is kind of you to say so, Lady Portman,” Nanny says, looking gratified. There is even the glimmer of a smile. At least the corners of her mouth turn up, ever so slightly.

London, England
1912

8
Roberts
    I have been with Lord and Lady Milton for over half a year. The preparations and the excitement of the Christmas and New Year festivities are over. Everyone is exhausted, particularly the servants. There was a puppet show for Miss Alexandra’s third birthday; then a visit to the theater, with three small friends of Miss Portia’s and their nannies, in anticipation of her fifth birthday. I could not help laughing when Miss Portia told me the nanny in the play
Peter Pan
was a dog! Who could have imagined such a thing?
    However, when I caught Miss Portia about to jump off the nursery table in an attempt to fly like Peter Pan, Nanny banished her to the corner for half an hour. “If this ever occurs again, Miss Portia, it