Free Inspector Hobbes and the Blood: A Fast-paced Comedy Crime Fantasy (unhuman) by Wilkie Martin

old grave?'
    'I
wish I knew,' he said. 'Oddly, the ghouls said they smelled fresh meat. And,
come to think of it, whatever you were jumping about on was still solid. What's
more, it didn't sound like wood did it?'
    'I
don't know. Are you getting at something?'
    'I
suspect there's more in that grave than mud, more than there ought to be.' He
pondered. 'I think I'd better take another look.'
    'No,
please.' I heard the panic rising in my voice. 'I'm cold, wet and tired. I
can't do anymore tonight. I really can't.'
    Hobbes
nodded. 'I understand. Tell you what, I'll drop you back at your place. You
take it easy and have a lie-in and I'll pick you up at … let's say ten
tomorrow. OK?'
    'Thank
you.' I nearly wept. Fatigue was overwhelming me and I hadn't expected
kindness.
    Hobbes
chuckled. 'Hang on.'
    I'd barely noticed that, up to then, he'd
been driving relatively slowly, almost with due care and attention, but he made
up for it and I could hardly express my relief when he stopped and I was still
alive. As I got out, he accelerated away between the lines of parked cars
before I could even say goodnight. Trudging upstairs to my flat, switching on
the electric fire, I stripped, washed off the worst of the mud, and collapsed
into bed. It had been a horrible night.
    A
crash burst into my dreams and I awoke with blurred mind and senses, squinting
at the alarm clock; it was just gone four. Why was there an orange light
glowing under the bedroom door, and why could I smell smoke?
    'Fire!'
I screeched, leaping up, lurching towards the bedroom door, grabbing the handle
and letting go with a yelp of pain. The handle was red hot and I was in deep
trouble. Up till then, I'd been acting on instinct but cold terror was growing
inside, weighing down my legs and stomach. Choking fumes tormented my throat
and I began to cough uncontrollably. I pulled myself to the window, struggling
to open it. Everything began to happen too fast. My head was spinning and I
knew I was going to die. It was ironic, I thought, falling to my knees, that
I'd only just returned from the grave. The window burst inwards as I slumped
onto my face to sleep.
    On opening my eyes again, I appeared to be
outside, in mid-air, looking onto the patio beneath my window. It got closer,
yet slowly. I was dropping gently, like a leaf.
    I
awoke in a bed. I knew it wasn't mine because of the clean, white sheets,
though I was certain I'd crawled under my own duvet, with the familiar pong of
stale curry and socks. A screen surrounded me and a table stood by my bedside.
I groaned and a face appeared, a young woman's face, and I remembered being too
tired to put on pyjamas. As I pulled the sheets around my chin, I found I was
dressed in a sort of dress.
    'Good
afternoon, Mr Caplet.' The face spoke, its smile pushing through the screen.
    A
woman's body, dressed in nurse's uniform, followed the smile. It was all very
puzzling. I was, it appeared, in hospital, but how? A memory surfaced, an idea of
flinging myself from a speeding car to get away from Hobbes. Yes, Hobbes! Sitting
upright abruptly, I groaned.
    'How
are you feeling?'
    'Ohhhh!'
    'Are
you alright?'
    'Ohhhh.'
    'I'll
get the doctor.' The nurse hurried away as I struggled to pull my wits within
touching distance.
    Coughing
up something disgusting and acrid, brought back a hazy memory of fire. A quick
check indicated that all of me was still present, though I'd acquired a white
dressing on my right hand.
    A
boy in a white coat approached. 'Hello, Mr Caplet, I'm Dr Finlay. No jokes
please. How are you this afternoon?'
    My
voice came out as a croak. 'OK, but my throat and chest are sore. So's my
hand.'
    'A
bit of smoke inhalation and a minor burn. You were lucky the policeman was
passing and got you out before there was any lasting harm.'
    'Policeman?'
    'Yes,
apparently he was going off duty when, noticing the smoke, he broke in and got
you out, before alerting the other residents and calling the Fire Brigade.'
    'What
policeman?' I had