Free The Naughty List by L.A. Kelley

Golden Palace. Where did she put that damn pepper spray?
    David laid down his chopsticks. “I know what you think, but could I do this…” With a puff of air, he disappeared and then reappeared almost immediately. “…if I were an ordinary human?”
    Rosalie’s jaw dropped open. Her brain rifled through dozens of explanations before she settled on the most logical one. “I’m in a coma. You are a hallucination caused by a severe allergic reaction to the elf hat.”
    “No coma,” declared David cheerfully. “No hallucinations, no allergic reactions, although continued use of that hat will definitely lead to serious mental health issues.”
    Why is my hallucination arguing with me? “Elves don’t exist,” she insisted.
    “And yet…” He spread his arms with a flourish. “Here I am.” He popped out and in again. “Ta-da.”
    His carefree attitude was maddening. Rosalie had offered a rational scenario to convince him she was crazy and he wasn’t real. Damn it, why didn’t the hallucination get the point and leave her alone in the nice coma ward? She tried again. “Elves are a foot tall, and you’re like…what? Five-seven?”
    “Five-eight and a quarter,” he bristled. Height was obviously a touchy subject even to a figment of her imagination. “And I’m not an elf. I’m an E-L-F, all capitals. The letters stand for Elemental Life Form. All E.L.F.s are Integrals, early beings tied to the aggregate forces of nature. There are others. We call them the three D’s—Demons, Divinities, and Deities.”
    Her brain registered the words, but they didn’t process. “You…divinities…what?”
    David regarded her with obvious approval. “Most humans would have run screaming from the room by now.” He tapped his chopstick on her plate. “You eat. I’ll explain.”
    Staring transfixed at the elf or rather E.L.F, Rosalie picked up a chopstick. Let him speak. In a few minutes a nurse will enter with my meds and I’ll fall back into oblivion. She took a bite of orange chicken, surprised at how delicious the imaginary food tasted. Hopefully the nurse would take her time.
    “As I said, E.L.F.s are Integrals; so are dryads, gnomes, Japanese Kami, the Indian Vedic, Viking war gods, the Greek and Roman Keek">“As I mythos, and a host of others. We keep a low profile for safety. Contrary to popular belief, the stories about us as all powerful are hooey, only one or two extraordinary skill per Integral. E.L.F.s teleport.”
    Rosalie swallowed. The chicken was excellent, just like the chicken at the Golden Palace. She couldn’t remember ever eating a realistic dinner in a dream. The food smelled great, too. She’d never smelled anything in a dream either. Doubts about the coma theory crept in. She eyed him suspiciously. “If Integrals are real, how come people don’t know about you?”
    David shrugged. “Integral numbers were always shaky, made more so by infighting and turf battles. Over the centuries, we interbred with humans, lost the physical aspects, but retained mystical elements. Now we look like everybody else.”
    Rosalie hesitated. He sounded so reasonable. Her steadfast belief in a mental breakdown faltered. “Let’s say, I believe you, and I don’t, because I still like the coma theory, but for conversation sake—what do you want with me?”
    “Integrals maintain a hidden organization. Many own mystical weaponry and treasures handed down from generation to generation. People would kill to get their hands on them, not to mention…” He shifted uncomfortably. “…some of us are descended from hellspawn. Let’s just say I know more than a few you should never borrow money from. As a precaution, long ago Integrals decided the most powerful objects should be kept under lock and key at corporate headquarters in New York City.”
    Rosalie nearly choked on her eggroll. “You’re incorporated?”
    “Of course. We pay our taxes. No one wants to mess with the IRS. Certain families because of