Free Tornado Alley by William S. Burroughs

Jerry and the stockbroker
     

     
     
    Jerry Ellisor, the retarded boy from next door, went on to harrass timid WASPs from Hew Yorker cartoons, the type of person who doesn't want to get mixed up in things, a passerby on the other side ... here's a girl with both arms cut off, trying to flag him down, he just swerves around something like that and keeps going. (I refer to the case of the 15-year-old girl who had both arms cut off by a rapist, rushed onto a highway, and three cars passed her by before one stopped and took her to a hospital.)
    He is also a very ineffectual person. On his West Indian vacation, he hopes the Calypso singers will go away if he just ignores them.
    "Don't pay any attention to them, darling."
    So here is this youngish exec WASP in a health-food store after a diet lunch of watercress salad and carrot juice. And a youth sits down right at his table, though it's three o'clock and the place is nearly empty. The WASP becomes aware of a horrible odor—like ferrets, only more piercing—that makes his eyes water and his stomach turn. The boy smiles, showing yellow buck teeth.
    "I always smell like this, just before ... you know." The boy passes him a card on which is typed in red letters:
    "Hi. I'm Jerry. These are my instructions: When it starts to happen, stay calm. Sit down, wherever you are, and quietly inform the helpful person nearest to you that you are going to have a fit —(in my own words).
    "When it starts, you will wrap a handkerchief, towel or napkin around your finger and insert it in my mouth to keep me from biting my tongue off. With the other hand you will be loosening my collar, belt and shoes and opening up my fly to relieve pressure on the groin. Erections frequently occur during my spells. It's a fact of nature. (If I have shatted in my breeches, wash me down with soap and warm water and provide a change of clothing.)
    "Be careful during my recovery, as I sometimes lash out at people or leap for your throat like a wild animal. God will reward you for your kind act.
    "Your humble servant, Jerry Ellison"
    Without more ado, the WASP threw some money on the table and ran for his life. But he was too late. With a low, throaty cry the boy threw himself in the WASP's path, tripping him up, then wrapped around his legs like a python. There was a sudden reek of urine and excrement as Jerry voided in his pants. The appalled WASP, seeing a policeman at the door, screamed for help.
    "What are you doing with that kid, you filthy pervert."
    A night-stick crashed against his skull. Five hours later, trembling and near collapse, he was released from jail after his lawyer called a CIA cousin in Washington.
    In the course of a fit, Jerry would sometimes shriek out prophecies, which mostly came true. On Red Tuesday, he rushed into the stock market, eyes glowing, the hair standing up on his head, tore off his clothes and stood there naked in front of the petrified financiers, his body brick-red and steaming off the stink of a hundred polecats. He collapsed on the floor, flopping around and showing his awful yellow teeth as he ejaculated:
    "Sell! Sell! Sell!"
    It was the worst crash since ' 29, dazed brokers and speculators later reported.
    "It was a voice full of money. You had to believe it."
     

to talk for Joe the Dead
     

     
     
     
    Doctor Fisher read the article carefully, his face formed into an appraising mask.
    "Double slaying... 32 revolver ... since the woman's purse and the man's wallet were missing ... robbery... a witness reported seeing a Very tall Figure fleeing from the scene.'"
    The witness, Uriah Grunt, who is con-Fined to a wheelchair, explained that he amuses himself by surveying the city with his telescope. "I can read a paper over someone's shoulders twenty blocks away," he boasted.
    "I'm right snoopy," he added, smugly, "nothing else to do, 'cept observe what other folks is doing. Don't mind saying I've seen some strange things."
    When pressed for a description: "Ah yes," he