The Making of Zombie Wars

Free The Making of Zombie Wars by Aleksandar Hemon Page A

Book: The Making of Zombie Wars by Aleksandar Hemon Read Free Book Online
Authors: Aleksandar Hemon
friends from high school.
    â€œDe rien, madame!” Marcel bowed and smiled. It was not beyond Janet to appropriate Marcel for retributive intercourse, Joshua realized. Marcel walked away, bouncing on the balls of his feet, like an Olympic diver.
    â€œSo,” Janet said. “Seder at my place.”
    â€œWhen is it?” Joshua asked.
    â€œWhen is it!? You’re a real bad Jew, Jackie,” Janet said.
    â€œOkay, but when is your Seder?”
    â€œApril sixteenth. You’ve got two weeks to Jew up.”
    â€œReading from the same script every year, thanking the Lord for getting our ass out of the situation he put us in in the first place—that’s not my idea of a good time.”
    â€œGod will smite you.”
    â€œGod doesn’t give a damn about me.”
    â€œHe sheds his wrath upon the nations that do not recognize him, and on the kingdoms and individuals that will not proclaim his name. I’d be careful.”
    â€œWhatever.”
    â€œAnd it’s a good story too,” Janet said.
    â€œCameltits,” Noah said, proud of his cleverness. He was Doug’s son all right. Janet grabbed him above his elbow and pulled him away from the table. She dragged him into the women’s bathroom, as he wailed like the little patient he was. Perhaps it was true that everything was Oedipal with boys. Perhaps Papa Freud was in fact right.
    â€œYou haven’t heard this from me, but Jan and Doug are separated,” Mother said. “He sent Janet an e-mail from Dubai, except it was meant for some other woman and was describing his crotch.”
    â€œHis crotch? You mean his penis?”
    â€œDon’t ask me for details, Joshua, for God’s sake. I’m your mother.”
    â€œSo where’s he now?”
    â€œMaybe still in Dubai. Or in some downtown hotel with a hooker. Dead, as far as Jan’s concerned.”
    â€œAre they going to get divorced?”
    â€œJan’s mad more than ever before.”
    â€œIs she okay?”
    â€œShe’s very mad.”
    â€œPoor Doug. She’ll destroy him,” Joshua said, and immediately realized that he shouldn’t have.
    â€œPoor Doug?” his mother growled, actually showing her incisors, but before she could say more Janet came back with Noah. His blond hair now was wet and pasted to his skull, with a neat straight line down the middle.
    â€œNow,” Janet said, emptying the Ch â teau Margaux into her glass, lifting the bottle to ask Marcel for more. “Now we’re going to enjoy this goddamn lunch.”
    Â 
    Â 
    INT. HOSPITAL — DAY
    Major Klopstock, gun in hand, sneaks up the back stairs, barely lit by the streaks of sunlight from obscure windows and cracks. Every once in a while, he checks to see what floor he’s on. The undead LOW in distant hospital spaces. When he reaches the 25th floor, he carefully opens the door to look down the dark hallway, where all the lights are out. It appears to be zombie-free. He turns on his flashlight: it’s the neurosurgery floor. He moves soundlessly, pressing his back against the wall. He knows his way around that labyrinth. He opens a door to look in, but has to duck quickly as he spots a zombie munching on a brain from a glass jar. The undead one is too busy to notice Major K, who moves on.
    Major K rummages through a file cabinet, looking for something in particular, throwing down what he has no use for. In the corner, he sees a small fire extinguisher. He puts it in his backpack.
    As Major K is about to enter the nurses’ room, he hears a CRASH inside. He turns off the flashlight and presses his back against the wall, then crawls along it to look in through a small window. He sees a flashing move, too fast for a zombie — someone ducks behind a stack of boxes. He raises his gun and cocks it. He looks again, and this time spots an elbow of a living human sticking out, then an eye peeking from behind the box.

Similar Books

Reckless Creed

Alex Kava

Evvie at Sixteen

Susan Beth Pfeffer

Barbara Metzger

Lady Whiltons Wedding

Gagged & Bound

Natasha Cooper

The French Prize

James L. Nelson