Free Long Blue Line: Based on a True Story by E. McNew Page A

into my mouth and lay down to go back to asleep. Merri woke me up a few hours later as Lilah and Summer arrived. As a family, we opened our gifts, cracked jokes, and unknowingly enjoyed our last Christmas together that would resemble a normal family and childhood. We didn’t know it at the time, and would not have wanted to.
    A short time later, Josh came over. I had a stack of gifts for him. I had really gone all out. After learning the story of Beau’s death, I had a deep sympathy for Josh and I wanted to make up for his loss and sad childhood memories. I wanted to make better what his mother could not. This was a big factor in how I treated our relationship from that point forward. I just wanted to love and help him. I wanted to show him what a safe and happy family was like. I wanted him to someday see how poorly the lifestyle his mother was leading and how horrible it could be for him to follow her. Everyone can hope. I hoped until there was none left.
    After Christmas break I resumed school as usual. I had finally made friends with the Hispanic girls that I thought hated me. They were really nice and usually pretty damn funny. They made it easy to laugh at the small things that would normally bother me. I had a great sense of belonging, and I knew that no matter what obstacles were in my way, the Teen Parents Program offered plenty of resources. They even had a counselor come once a week to talk with us individually for a half hour. Her name was Rosa. She was in her early 30’s and I loved her personality. She reminded me of a hippie as well as a responsible and concerned mother. I could talk to her about anything that was bothering me without worry of judgment. I usually was able to do the same with my mother, but it was nice to have a person that was not in my immediate life. Between the support from school, my immediate family, and Josh, I was doing exceptionally well. I was going on 7 months. My body had changed, but I wasn’t too concerned. I knew that was the sacrifice of my choice.
    One day, out of the blue, my mother announced to me that she wanted to throw me a baby shower. I was initially unsure about the idea. I was wondering to myself, who in their right mind is going to want to attend a baby shower for a 15 year old! I was embarrassed. It was okay for me to be openly excited about my baby while I was at school or when I was with Josh, because everyone else was in a similar situation. I was worried about what friends of the family and even my friends would think.
    The following week during Josh’s lunch-break, he took me to my final ultra-sound appointment. We were both excited and betting on a boy. There were so many girls in my family already, and I wanted to be the one that broke the dramatic cycle of nail polish and pre-menstrual mood swings. However, deep down, I did not think that we were having a boy. I just played along to keep Josh’s spirits up. As we were walking down the long hallway to sign in at the hospital, Josh was talking about what he would teach his son. I only had one thing on my mind: I had to pee - bad. My doctor had instructed me to drink as much water as I possibly could before the appointment. He said this would cause my bladder to push my uterus up into a favorable position for the tech to take measurements. I was gagging through episodes of severe acid reflux, and I was sure that I would pee everywhere.
    The male technician squeezed ice-cold gel on my pumpkin shaped abdomen. He firmly pressed the probe directly on my bladder. I grimaced in pain but decided to tough it out. After fifteen minutes of torture, the part we had both been anticipating arrived. “You kids want to know the sex of your baby?” he casually asked in a monotone voice. It was as if he had been trained to ask the same questions and was bored with it. “Yes, please,” I said in the calmest tone I could. I was extremely eager and excited, but I didn’t want to annoy him with my teenage giddiness. He