Free The Girl's Guide to the Apocalypse by Daphne Lamb

You don’t have any acting experience, do you?”
    I blushed. It was involuntary. “Bet you were pretty convinced that I was terrified a moment ago.”
    He turned away and joined the rest of his tribe. He spoke impassioned, but in low tones that I couldn’t hear. I tried to lean in, but a few of the other bystanders gave me the side eye. I could tell I was not to be trusted, but they seemed to nod to whatever it was Darren said.
    They broke into polite golf applause.
    “We will be watching an interpretation of Friends episode 323. The One with Ross’ Thing, starring our very own accomplished thespian, Steve Harks.”
    Darren returned to me with open arms and pulled me up to my feet. “As for you…”
    He took the time to enjoy his dramatic pause, closing his eyes, gripping my hands tightly, and reached down and grabbed some fat around my waist. I jerked away, a little creeped out.
    “You are full of everything we want,” he said.
    “Am I?” I said. “Okay.”
    He looked at me, his smile slightly went downturned.
    “I mean,” I said quickly. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
    The smile came back.
    “It’s just been so long since I’ve heard a kind word,” I said earnestly. “No one’s arguing here.”
    His hands went to my shoulders. He pressed down on them, seemingly feeling the muscles I had.
    “Can I have a hug?” he asked.
    I nodded, and he pulled me in. The rest of the group applauded. His hands went to my upper back where again he felt the muscles and fat around my bra.
    I gently eased away from his embrace, and he let me go.
    “You said you’re not alone?” he asked.
    “Well, not technically,” I said. “I came with a group, but if I gave you a description of any family I have—”
    “Never leave your friends behind,” he said. His voice was high and gentle, also weirdly consoling. “In these dark times, they’re all you really have.”
    “But you have water,” I said. “You have Friends . The show. And the actual kind it looks like.”
    “The world has a way of disposing of things that it doesn’t need anymore,” he said. “You let the universe deal with such silly things.”
    I nodded. “You’re right,” I said. “You’re right in a weird way that I never thought about.”
    “We have to give up the ways of thinking that we’ve gotten used to,” he said. He stared me down with his big eyes. “Now tell me. What can we do for you?”
    I thought for a moment. “I would absolutely love a shower,” I said. “And a working toilet.”
    He smiled. “Then you shall have one.”
    He led me toward one of the RVs, where I bristled with excitement over having the first real shower in weeks. But there was a slight damper on it as I looked around at the rest of the group, which was only about thirty people. They had strange reddish markings on their face and vacant looks in their eyes.
    “Smells great,” I said. “What’s for dinner?”
    No one responded, so I kept moving on.
    I pointed to the tribe cooking and setting out place settings for everyone.
    “So nice to see civilization surviving,” I said.
    “Sweetheart,” Darren said. “You are welcome to water and bread, but the rest is not for you.”
    I nodded and allowed myself to be pushed inside the RV with a clean fluffy towel that had a green stripe and the Holiday Inn logo.
    * * *
    Later that night I crept back to the house, food and bottles of water in hand. I entered the back door quietly shutting it behind me before I noticed in the darkness there were two silhouettes sitting at the dilapidated kitchen table.
    I was startled, jumped and dropped a bottle.
    “Who is that?” I squinted, trying to identify the figures.
    There was a deep sigh. “Ideally,” said Robert’s voice. “We would have switched on the light when you entered. It would have made a more dramatic presentation.”
    “You can’t be dramatic without candles,” Bruce said. “Couldn’t find any, but whatever.”
    “For what?” I