Free The Girl's Guide to the Apocalypse by Daphne Lamb Page B

cleared her throat, got to her feet and went into a downward dog position. “No one talk to me while I’m one with the universe,” she said, taking deep breaths.
    He rolled his eyes. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. I meant to ask, who’s this group you saw?”
    “They’re weird,” I said. “Almost culty. They sing, they have an odd language of feel good terms and they were really interested in my muscle tone. Or fat tone. Something like that. And I think the leader really wanted to meet the rest of you.”
    “Who’s the leader?” he asked.
    “Darren Warren,” I said. “He’s the art critic for the paper.”
    “Wait,” Bruce said from the other room. He ran over and poked his head in. “Darren Warren?”
    “Yes.”
    “ The Darren Warren?”
    “Yes.”
    He kicked the kitchen table and waved his arms in anger. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked. “We could’ve had a different conversation that would have led to me becoming best friends with Darren Warren.”
    “Well, we just started talking about it.”
    “These are things you should tell me right away,” he said. “You know how much I would give to just get in the room with that guy. He spelled my name wrong in a review of The Farnsworth Incident , and I never got the chance to explain it to him.”
    “If it helps,” I said, “he seems more excited about TV reruns these days. Besides, you never tried to explain that play to me.”
    He rolled his eyes and stood. “God!” he yelled. “Why is everything such a joke with you?”
    I was a little stunned at him, but I sucked in my breath. “I’m sorry,” I said. “That was wrong of me.”
    He paced around the room in a cold silence.
    “I’m sorry,” I said. “I really am.”
    He was still silent.
    “I don’t know what I can do to convince you of that,” I said. “But we’re kind of living in a time where we probably need each other more than ever…”
    He let his voice drop, then went into a heavy pause. “Or something.”
    Debra popped her head in.
    “I’ve figured out why you look so much better than the rest of us,” she said.
    “Oh?”
    Bruce stared me down.
    She pointed a bony finger at me. “You had a shower, didn’t you?”
    I swallowed hard. “Did the universe tell you that?”
    “No,” she said. “Just felt I had to say something.” She turned on her heel, winced and hobbled out.
    “I can’t believe you were going to hold that out on us too,” Bruce said. “The Verdell I used to know would’ve been more concerned about my interests. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”
    “You have no idea,” I said. “The meaningless nothing conversations, the constant arguing. I had to see what else was out here.”
    “And just leave us?” he asked. “Was that your plan?”
    “If I wanted to leave,” I said. “So maybe.”
    He folded his arms. “Great. So when do I get to meet Darren?”
    I thought back to the weird calm of the RV site, the all too eagerness of his inclusion of myself and others.
    “I don’t know,” I said. “It’s kind of strange over there…”
    I let my voice trail off, uncertain of how to describe things. He stood back, folded his arms, self-satisfied.
    “Fine, then. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought,” he said. “I think we need to break up.”
    “Break up?” I asked. “Isn’t that going to be kind of awkward?”
    “I think its just time we started seeing other people.”
    “Who are you going to be seeing?” I asked, looking around. “Debra?”
    She poked her head back in. “What?”
    Bruce impatiently waved her away.
    “We’ve really just been more friends than anything else this whole time,” he said.
    “Debra?”
    He sighed heavily. “No, still talking about us. We’ve been playing this charade for too long.”
    “Three years?” I mused. “Maybe.”
    “Let’s face it,” he said. “This whole situation has changed you.”
    “It’s changed everyone,” I said. “Although