Free Hurricane Kiss by Deborah Blumenthal

leaned toward me with a serious look in his eyes.
    â€œWhat if we never see each other again?” he said, running his fingers under the edge of my sleeveless blouse, sliding my bra strap down over my shoulder.
    â€œDon’t say that. We’ll see each other.”
    He leaned over and started kissing me so hard that the seat jerked down under me. I pulled away to take a breath. “Aidan …”
    â€œI love you,” he said, pulling me toward him and then straddling me, his jeans rough against the skin of my thighs. “You know that, right?”
    I kissed him back in answer, letting him open my blouse and finally reach under my skirt. He’d only done that once before. It wasn’t that I wanted him to. It was just that I couldn’t think of a reason to make him stop, especially the night before we’d be leaving—separately—not knowing what would happen. If I stopped him we’d break up, and I wasn’t ready to do anything that required making a real decision.
    I wasn’t good at making decisions. I didn’t have much practice. My mom made them for me. She always knew best. Supermom did everything for me and Ethan because there was no dad to turn to.
    But you grow up. Or you’re supposed to. You think for yourself and figure out what’s right for you. I opened my eyes and stared at Aidan.
    Having sex right then would say something about how we felt about each other, with everything ahead. Only my mind kept stalling out, focusing on how I was sweating with the AC off, my armpits stinging with wetness. I was almost faint.
    â€œWe should just do it,” Aidan whispered in a husky voice. “Before we go.”
    â€œDid you bring something?”
    â€œI’ll be careful, I swear.”
    â€œAidan, you know we—”
    â€œâ€”we said we’d do it, Jill. You know you want to—”
    Instead of answering, I kissed him back, hating myself for not feeling what I was supposed to, for getting crazed by voices in my head shouting This is a huge deal, you have to want this, and a moment later, It isn’t. Stop being a baby and grow up!
    But no matter how hard I tried to feel something, I couldn’t get beyond this anger at myself. All I could think of was the distance between us I couldn’t cross. Did I resent Aidan for putting me in that position, or myself for not knowing what to do? The more we kissed, the more strung out I felt.
    Then I went into a free fall, trying in just the few seconds left as he tugged at my panties and his breathing got ragged, to figure out whether I felt anything for Aidan or whether I was acting like a mindless robot.
    â€œAidan,” my voice said, coming out pleading and unrecognizable. He was breathing faster and harder and he leaned away from me for a minute to open his belt buckle and unzip his jeans, his face glistening. I watched him as droplets of sweat ran down the sides of his face, dripping onto mine, seeing him like a stranger, trying to figure out what he meant to me. What made it worse was he wasn’t seeing me at all because he was so caught up in his own need, like sex was all about him.
    Just as he tugged his jeans down over his hips, his face caught fire.
    â€œWhat the hell?” he said, looking up suddenly, his breathless voice filled with panic.
    A brilliant, flashing light pierced the windshield, lighting us up like lovers on a movie-set with giant floods.
    â€œHoly shit,” he said, scrunching down in his seat, yanking up his jeans as I grabbed at the sides of my shirt to button it. What idiots we were not to have known. What were we thinking? After dark the cops patrolled the park. We should have watched for them. We should have thought of that. But we didn’t think about anything except ourselves.
    The cop who was driving got out of the car and walked toward us, his partner behind him, their headlights focused on their targets. The first cop was young, maybe