Free Wedding Heat: Hole In One (MMM) by Giselle Renarde

 
     
    It wasn’t exactly a walk of shame. Or maybe
it was. This was Joey’s first time making his way home in wrinkled,
grass-stained clothes after spooning a guy he’d just met under the
open sky.
     
    Not that he was
going home ,
exactly. He fished through his pocket for the electronic room key,
but he worried what he’d find on the other side of that door. He
could just imagine the scowl on his mother’s face. “Where have you
been, young man? I was worried sick!”
     
    And then his dad would chime in with
something like, “We realize you’re an adult, Joe. We only ask that
you check in with us if you’re spending the night elsewhere.” Or
maybe dad would be in one of his money moods and say, “If I’d known
you were going to bunk with someone else, I’d have saved a few
bucks on this overpriced resort room. Your mother, your sister and
I could have slept in the car at the side of the highway.”
     
    Joey smiled despite the twanging pain in his
temple and the thickness of his tongue. He slid his key through the
slot. When the red light turned green, he opened the door and…
     
    What the hell? Is that…is that… Mom
Butt?
     
    Pulling the door shut, Joey
stood in the hall with his eyes closed tight. He could taste his
stomach contents—primarily vodka—at the back of his throat, and
forced himself to breathe slowly. All he kept seeing was… ugh, Mom Butt !
     
    “What are you doing out here, ass wipe?” His
sister came out of nowhere to punch him in the shoulder.
     
    “Fuck!” he hissed, rubbing the spot that was
already bruised from her trademark greetings. “Why do you do
that?”
     
    “Because I know you’d never hit me back,”
she said with a smirk. When he didn’t react, she asked, “Jeeze, who
pissed in your Cheerios?”
     
    He shuddered, reluctant to say the works. “I
just walked in on Mom and Dad.”
     
    Vanessa scrunched up her nose. “Oh,
gross.”
     
    “Yeah, dude.” Joey backed away from the
door. When he got a head-to-toe look at Vanessa, he laughed hard
enough to make his head pound. “What the fuck happened to you?”
     
    His sister had looked pretty damn dapper
when they’d headed out for cocktails last night. Their cousin
Maggie was marrying some dude on Sunday, and for some reason they
had to waste an entire weekend at this wedding resort place hanging
out with their lame-ass family. Anyway, this morning the hem of
Vanessa’s pinstriped pants was halfway to her knees, her white
shirt looked two sizes too small, and her suspenders were buckled
and frayed.
     
    She shrugged. “They shrunk in the
dryer.”
     
    Joey pressed one hand to his temple. “The
dryer? Where the hell were you last night?”
     
    “Where the hell were you ?” She poked him in
the shoulder, drawing his attention to a grass-green
streak.
     
    No way he’d tell his big sister about his
first time, even though she’d surely be proud it was with another
guy. He shifted the conversation, asking, “How are you so chipper?
You drank more than I did last night.”
     
    With a teasing smirk, Vanessa pulled her key
card out of her pocket. It looked totally warped, like it had been
in the microwave or something. She rapped on the door and their
mother took her time answering it. Thank god she was dressed in a
robe—he’d have preferred a parka, but it was better than
nothing.
     
    “Oh,” their mother said, cinching the top of
her robe with one hand. “I thought you were room service. Well,
come in, kids.”
     
    She obviously had no idea Joey’d walked in
on them doing the nasty not five minutes earlier.
     
    “Would you look at the time! Your father and
I must have slept in,” Mom went on, seeming a little flustered and
sheepish. “So, where did you two spend the night, hmm?”
     
    Joey was amazed by how casually the question
was put to them. It was almost as if she didn’t care.
     
    “I sweet-talked that pretty girl at the
front desk into letting us use an extra room on the