left of it now that its champion has moved on to richer pastures.’
Pause for a judicious munch.
‘Fergus hates ideology and thinks
he’s invented pragmatism. And of course he hates the Tories, although half the
time he’s to the right of them. He’s got a serious supporters’ club in
Downing Street, and I don’t mean just the big beasts but the courtiers and
spinmeisters. Fergus is their boy and they’re putting their shirts on him for as
long as he runs. Pro-Atlantic to a fault, but if Washington thinks he’s the
cat’s pyjamas, who are we to complain? Eurosceptic, that goes without saying.
Doesn’t like us flunkies, but what politician does? And watch out for him when he
bangs on about the
G-WOT
’ – the prevailing in-word for the Global War on
Terror. ‘It’s out of style and I don’t need to tell
you
of
all people that decent Arabs are getting awfully pissed off with it. He’s been
told that already. Your job will be the usual. Stick to him like glue and don’t
let him make any more puddles.’
‘
More
puddles, Diana?’
Toby asks, already troubled by some fairly loud rumours doing the rounds of the
Whitehall gossip mill.
‘Ignore totally,’ she commands
sternly, after another pause for accelerated mastication. ‘Judge a politician by
what he did or didn’t do at Defence, you’d be stringing up half
tomorrow’s Cabinet.’ And finding Toby’s eyes still on her: ‘Man
made a horse’s arse of himself and got his wrist smacked. Case totally
closed.’ And as a final afterthought: ‘The only surprising thing is that for
once in its life Defence managed to hush up a force-twelve scandal.’
And with that, the loud rumours are
officially declared dead and buried – until, in a concluding speech over coffee, Diana
elects to exhume them and bury them all over again.
‘And just in case anyone should tell
you different, both Defence
and
Treasury held a grand-slam internal inquiry
with the gloves off, and concluded
unanimously
that Fergus had absolutely no
case to answer. At worst, ill advised by his hopeless officials.Which
is good enough for me, and I trust for you. Why are you looking at me like
that?’
He isn’t looking at her in any way he
is aware of, but he is certainly thinking that the lady is protesting too much.
*
Toby Bell, newly anointed Private Secretary
to Her Majesty’s newly anointed Minister takes up his seals of office. Fergus
Quinn, MP, marooned Blairite of the new Gordon Brown era, may not on the face of it be
the sort of minister he would have chosen for his master. Born the only child of an old
Glaswegian engineering family fallen on hard times, Fergus made an early name for
himself in left-wing student politics, leading protest marches, confronting the police
and generally getting his photograph in the newspapers. Having graduated in Economics
from Edinburgh University, he disappears into the mists of Scottish Labour Party
politics. Three years on, somewhat inexplicably, he resurfaces at the John F. Kennedy
School of Government at Harvard, where he meets and marries his present wife, a wealthy
but troubled Canadian woman. He returns to Scotland, where a safe seat awaits him. The
Party spin doctors quickly rate his wife unfit for presentation. An alcohol addiction is
rumoured.
Soundings that Toby has taken round the
Whitehall bazaar are mixed at best: ‘Sucks up a brief quick enough, but watch your
arse when he decides to act on it,’ advises a bruised Defence Ministry veteran
strictly off the record. And from a former assistant called Lucy: ‘Very sweet,
very charming when he needs to be.’ And when he doesn’t? Toby asks.
‘He’s just not
with
us,’ she insists, frowning and avoiding
his eye. ‘He’s out there fighting his demons somehow.’ But what demons
and fighting them how is more than Lucy is willing or able to say.
At first sight, nonetheless,