Free Flicker by Melanie Hooyenga

from Cameron it's really hot. "I was
trying to help Amelia. She couldn't get him to notice her so I said
I'd offer to take pictures of him and do an interview for our
sports page."
    He nods at Trace. "You might need to find
another idea."
    Trace has shifted so his hand is next to
Amelia's leg. His thumb rubs the inside of her pant leg where only
we can see.
    Go Amelia!
    The guys burst into laughter and Joey
tumbles off the side of the car, landing flat on his back, which
makes them laugh even harder.
    Boys can be such—
    "Dude!" Jason yells. "That's totally what
she looks like!"
    They all turn to look at me.
    "What?"
    "You." Joey croaks from the ground. "When
you go all spastic in class."
    "What?" I repeat. They can't be talking about when I flicker. They can't. No
one knows. How could they know?
    "You know," Jason laughs, "when you get all
twitchy in class, like you just woke up or something."
    Fuck! I crack
open the second beer and take a long drink. "Yeah, that." I'm
trying to play it cool but now they're really staring at me. I take
another drink and my head spins.
    Amelia giggles next to me. "You guys
are ridiculous." Thank you Amelia. "If she's sleeping how does she know she's twitching?" Okay,
not helping so much.
    I set the beer down—that's definitely not
going to help—but I can't think of anything to say. My mind's gone
blank.
    "You okay?" Cameron whispers.
    Frustration pushes away my embarrassment. I
hate people asking me that, but more than that, I hate having him
worry about me. "I'm fine. Sorry. I guess I didn't expect to be the
butt of the joke."
    Everyone relaxes. Joey stands up and brushes
himself off. "That's why it's so funny."
    By now everyone is getting buzzed so I don't
have to wait long before the conversation moves to something else,
but my exuberance is gone. I'm beyond happy to have Cameron so
close, but my typical worries come crashing back.
    Midway through her second beer Amelia nudges
me. "I have to pee."
    "You can't wait?"
    "No. Come with me."
    I stand up, my stiff legs groaning in
protest.
    Cameron slides a hand around the back of my
thigh and I want to sink back into his lap. "Be careful." The
serious expression on his face sobers me up. I'd forgotten about
the real danger lurking out there.
    "We will."
    Amelia loops her arm through mine and scans
the group on the cars. "Haley, you need to go?"
    "Yes! Wait up." There's rustling of jackets
and the clink of a beer can being set on a car as Haley
disentangles herself from Travis.
    We pick our way around the cars and find the
narrow path at the edge of the tree line. The boat ramp doesn't
have any outbuildings so the bathroom is the woods. Faint light
illuminates the spot where we're parked, but the three feet into
the forest and we're blind.
    "Do you guys know where we're going?" Haley
fumbles for my arm and latches on. "I can't see shit."
    I trip over a tree root and nearly take them
both down with me.
    Amelia bursts out laughing. "I guess this is
far enough. Make sure you're uphill. I'm not responsible for which
way my piss flows." She unzips and in seconds the quiet is replaced
with the sound of her peeing.
    Haley and I scramble further down the path,
clinging to each other. I sure as hell am not getting pissed on. I
stop next to a hollowed out tree while Haley inches further down
the path. A car engine revs in the distance, and headlights shine
through the trees.
    The ridiculously straight trees.
    I never noticed how evenly spaced they
are.
    The headlights get brighter and my fingers
twitch.
    No. I close
my eyes but it’s too late.
    "Haley. Amelia. Hurry up."
    "I'm almost done." Plants rustle as Haley
tries to keep her balance. Moments later I hear her zipper, then
she's standing next to me, once again clinging to my arm.
    But the tingling has already started.
    The car drives alongside the tree line,
lighting us up as if we had a spotlight on us. I know I can't
flicker this way, but I can't stop the heaviness that crashes onto
me. I fight